Whats The Meaning Of Life !!!!

Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Indians !!!!

This morning was a lil late to work...had to rush. My mind was alive and ...kicking :)
Was hurrying down the stairs and a blonde fair-skinned lady was holding a tray filled with goodies, (looked like a nice morning meal) and taking the security personnel to task. Apparently he couldnt understand her language, even if he could he prolly couldnt have understood the accent. She was looking for a particular person and had no idea which block/flat the person was living in. She asked me, "Is this guy paid for not being able to give the information I need?". I told her she might have to go to the office to figure out where her so-called friend stayed and there is no way this guy wud be able to remember where each person stayed in 250 odd flats. She was exasperated, muttered a few curses and said "Awwww these F**king Indians!"
It took all of my self-control to not say "freaking DUMB Foreigner" { sorry but i think anyone would have reacted this way} and let that comment pass. I mean who asked her to venture out with food looking like a waitress without knowing where exactly or at least approximately her friend stayed? Instead of picking out on some confused and nervous guards. Those poor guys didnt even know what she was saying. I should have given her a piece of my mind, but instead I chose to ignore her. After all she was the one who was gonna look stupid.
Finally I had to rush, and chose to put it all behind me for the time being..at least. It wasnt working. The anger was still there. Sorry I had to take it out here. I am still not sure if I did the right thing.
Had me wondering on the way to office. Why do people the world over speak of Indians thus? Generalisation apart, why do these foreign people act all high and mighty? Why do they pretend they are doing us a favour when they actually ask us for directions or need help? And many Indians still are suckers for white skin. Many still seek to please these foreigners?
I wonder if many NRIs actually say "F**king Indians"(in a similar tone) when they come down to India?

Listening to: Yarron --KK

Friday, April 29, 2005

Hanging by the Thread

Image of a series or rain drops caught on a single spider web that I took in my front yard. I like it because of its starkness and simplicity. Like many things in nature, I think that the very simplest things often go unnoticed and underappreciated for the beauty that such scenes contribute to our environment. Maybe that's why they are so temporary and quick to disappear.

Makes me feel so good today after seeing this

Monday, April 25, 2005

Accidents ___-----

Do you want to hazard a guess as to what you would be reading in the next few minutes?

Sorry it has nothing to do with the hopeless traffic situation in Bangalore, or other Indian cities or even cities across the world. Try again??

No its not about the safety measures one has to take at ones home/workplace to minimise the possibility of physical injury or damage.

I am sure your roving eyes wouldnt have missed the glaringly obvious image and you are not quite sure what it is that I am trying to tell, allow me to be so kind as to save you further trouble. Er irritation actually. [Arent I so sweet?]

Its just the (incomplete ;) ) title of a book I put down only recently. "Accidents like Love and Marriage". (There might be a few resultant accidents but she refrained from the topic. No prizes for guessing why it didnt quite make it to the indelible mark category. With a title like that the author could have probably done a lot more. With the aid of a family in Delhi and three other related families she tries to delve on incompatibilities that seem to be inevitably surface in almost every marriage. I must mention it was more like a light hearted bollywood movie, quite predictable and moderately funny. One thing had me thinking do people really know love and marriage to be accidents or are they wise after the event?

Finally getting to the subject I really wanted to talk about. Do I hear some sighs of relief or what. :) "Love and Marriage"
First, Love. Aaah! What more can I say? What more can anyone say? I am so sure reams and reams would have been churned out(not only by the writers employed by greeting card manufacturers) before this blog and is likely to continue till some doomsday-like situation leaves the world in total annihilation.

Now on to marriage...hmmm and where do I begin? I am not really sure. I have nothing against the institution. Seriously! But if it were left to me I would broadly classify the world into two: married and the singletons. And the married people can further be divided into two
1) those who want everyone else to marry,[ardent matchmakers these] and
2) those who do not want anyone else to marry.

It doesnt need an IQ level of Einstein to figure out category 1) are quite happy with the turn of events after their marriage and 2) arent. But once in a while one does tend to run into another unexplicable kind who are not happy but still want others to get married.

My take on marriage .. well seems like an inevitability if you look at it in the Indian context. How often have we heard people saying .. Aaah he is 30+ and he is still not married ? And by the end of the discussion he would in all probability be reduced to some mean worm wasting his life in sordid underground dungeon with only some moths for company. It could even be worse if it were a lady. It might take a while(maybe a decade) before we actually have characters sketches like Ally McBeal or Bridget Jones? Certainly, I am not saying they are my idols. But marriage is not the be-all or end-all of life.

Off late, I have been meeting quite some new people.. happens, when you move to a new locality. And another thing I am in the process of getting used to through these conversations is... the third or fourth question being as to how many (non-existent)kids I have?? aaaarrrgggghhhhhh. Roll my eyes and reply in the negative also informing them about my single status. And the kind of replies I get are pretty thought provoking.

"You dont know it but I swear you are so lucky"
"Enjoy as much as you can, you are surely gonna miss it later."
"If you ask me would I prefer being single or married, I am not sure I would be in a position to tell you?"

I am sure there is a Cupid(or a matchmaker) lurking somewhere for everyone. You need any tips to match your wits with the match maker, maybe I can help. But if its Cupid, I am getting outta here.

Here's an image that throws light (and other missiles) on the all-so-serious topic of love and marriage(to some extent).

Saturday, April 23, 2005


Have you ever fely insanely happy? Insane because there seems no real reason to be happy.

Does one need a reason to be happy? Guess not...of course not!

Not sure if its the grey skies, the drizzle on your face or the lively green all around. Or even the cool breeze that flows right through you ...

Its more pleasurable if one were to feel thus on a Saturday evening!
I hope its not just me ............

Friday, April 22, 2005


Windchimes sound so nice ...sweet little tinkles or some wooden pipes hitting each other to the rhythm of a soft breeze. But on a windy day .... you would like to pull it out of the neighbours window/balcony and throw it wherever. No other way to shut it up.

Today is my parents wedding aniversary. Surprised my dad with a citizen ecodrive watch...and mom a 3 peice crystal bowl matching to the new dinner set that she bought last month. And the second suprise for them was an all expenses paid special romantic dinner for 2 at the Taj Residency, courtesy their sweet daughter Kiran :)

I always wonder how 2 different people can go such a long way togeather example in my parents case 24 YEARS. Isnt that too long. And my mother never seems to be runnnin short of topics to talk with dad. They both are a wonderful couple, changed with time, generation, environment.
Changed their habits to accept eachother. Finally in the end its all about Change..

Change..... is something everyone looks forward to. But then they say its the only thing that is constant in life. If its constantly happening why do we fail to notice it?
Is it like a grain of sand in an hourglass, insignificant and unperceivable? And over a period of time becomes stark and irreversible.

How many times have we not pressed the rewind button on our lives, paused and done then-and-now analysis? And how, in the past we have never imagined that we'd be as we are today!
Life really is full of surprises. Never ceases to amaze you. And no matter how much you crib, complain about the lack of it, change is very much there. Only you cant see it.

Reminds me of lyrics of a song I heard recently:
raste na badle, na badlaa jahaan
{ roads havent changed, neither has the world}
phir kyon badalte kadamb hain yahan ... { then y should we change ours steps here }

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Birthdays !!

Ever wondered how a one-year old would feel during his first birthday celebration. Bet ya he/she wouldnt know half of whats happening around. Sometimes I am not sure if I wud look at the Cds or photo and be proud if my parents gave me the grandest first b'day party with balloons floating all over the place and other kids enjoying camel rides??

It never happened tho. I mean my parents giving me the grandest one. I am sure there would have been some rejoicing and all ..a few snaps, a small party for near and dear.

As we begin to grow older, we realise birthdays are something to look forward to. Goodies gauranteed! New clothes, gifts, if you are lucky you get whatever you ask for...you are assured of a party unless you are born during an exam season[and end up cursing your DOB]. You also get to take sweets to school, wear colored clothes on that one day whereas the rest of the school come in uniform...and the works. These days kids get to have their parties hosted at some swanky Pizza Corner or Shoppers Stop .. [Back then, those few days we went out for pizzas were like parties]

Once past high school they begin to get more fun..more late night stuff, games, parties. Out of college and into work.. things tend to get a lil more seirous. Each passing year brings more responsibilty, more goals. A job one year, a car the next, a house 10 yrs down the line. Getting married somewhere in between :). Each birthday is like a milestone towards each goal. After a point, certain people start getting jittery about age. That one grows older is ineveitable, and looking at the other option I'd choose the former. Funny tho, that the looking-forward-to factor of birthdays drastically reduces with age. An amazing exception being a man I saw at a pub recently. Whole of 75 yrs and danced with his grand daughter with gay abandon, putting all guys on floor to shame. :)

Back to b'days, this is for someone who just turned 26 today, loves music and is indifferent to CnH. Cheers..*raises a toast*. Bash on regardless!
Happy Birthday to u pal...

Monday, April 18, 2005

Monsoon Magic

The ever familiar sight of grey skies after a long dry and dreary summer. Well not quite dry due to some mid summer rains but the average Indian's affair with monsoon has an altogether different and special charm.

Day or night, its alwas a beautiful sight. And then its a bonus if it rains during a holiday. A nice book in the hand, aroma of aloo bondas from the kitchen (wonder if Mom used G Gus's recipe!), coffee and some funny kinda music that makes you feel more monsoonish :) [Those in tune with Indian Classical music will know I am talking about Megh Malhar...and for those who know just Indian film music "bol re papihara " should ring the bell. I am not quite sure I know any such in Death metal ...anybody with the info let me know since its such a popular genre out here.] Anyways you feel compelled to view the rain from your window/balcony just as the sight of a sunrise or a sunset most certainly puts you into a pensive mood.

Come night and its just as beautiful if not more. The quiet clear star spangled summer nights are replaced by rythmic pitter-patter and the waving of tree braches in unison and a thick veil of cloud that hides all the celestial bodies visible to the naked eye and still appeals to the romantic in us.

There is an execess of natural monochrome that is splashed all over the place during the time, but then you also have hues of flame orange (from the Gul mohar) and the brilliant peacock blue(with its majestic rain dance). Can we ask for more?

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Its a small world !!!

This is probably the first thing one says when he/she encounters someone in the most unexpected place (and in all likelihood with someone he/she does not wish to be seen). Like an ad of Pepe Jeans once used to read " The world is filled with people we hope we will never meet.
So does the world become any smaller just because you run into someone you least expect. Naaah we all know better than that. We know for certain that its a big bad world out there......[how bad depends on how cynical you are and if you had any doubts on Big well google and you can find all the info you need.]
Then each one of us has our own world, our own sphere, totally governed by us. We fill it with whatever is dear to us, the people, the possessions, the choices, values, memories, decisions....... blah blah. We could call ourselves the CEO (a take on our ex-CM) of our own world. All of us have it, but only some of us know of such a world. Some of us have it cluttered with all possible things good, bad and ugly more like a mini-size version of original. While others have it plain not too much stuff, not too many people and pretty humdrum. And for the more complicated lot it oscillates between the two ... there is no dearth of possiblities.
One thing is certain though, with all the advancements in science and technology, progress in civilisation, business growth that we as the most advanced species are making the big world increasingly inhabitable and the personal space more stifling. Pollution, ozone layer depletion, endangered species, deforestation etc are more than enough to take their toll on mother earth and long work hours, stress due to relationships (and the subsequent expectations), deteriorating values, insensitivity, peer pressure, petty quarrels and many others are sufficient to ruin the peace and calm in our small little worlds.
Maybe its called a small world(small being the operative word) because we never seem to get the bigger picture. Hoping indeed that mankind does get worldly-wise!

Friday, April 15, 2005

Whats for the day!!!

I had a rough day when I realized no matter how much I want it, sometimes you just cant get all you want.

Its so hard to know that some wishes don't come true
So hard to realize that you can't have all you want
Sometimes our fantasies carry us away
in to a world where everything is ok

Its so hard to tell your heart that love is not found
Its hard when the person who should always be there

We are always taught to trust our hearts
that our dreams will never fail us
yet we are faced with so many days when
all we were taught seems like a lie

What can you do when you can't have a dream
When you just try but its hopeless
When you look at the sky and you begin to cry
Wondering where the next step will come from
You have no choice but to go on
the world can't stop just for your tears

You know its unfair
And that it's all a lie sometimes
But yet there's faith that dreams will
come true and sun will shine your way

Thursday, April 14, 2005

A moving experience

Being an army officers daughter is is always a difficult time when one decides to move when he has been transffered to another town. Shifting very stressful activity for a good number of reasons.
One, you are appalled by your own skill in the art of accumulation. Its all the more frustrating to note the percentage of accumulated stuff that you actually put to use. Next time I go shopping I will surely remember to pinch myself. You see tons and tons of cartons around you and wonder how the hell the nomads lived? No TV no refrigerator, no washing machine , no light bulbs! Besides there are other things you dont really need but cannot throw away for the sheer sentimental value. Its even frustrating when its one of the bigger and most space occupying part of the baggage. Like ur favourite plant, ur bed, toys and so on.. ~sigh~
There is also this heaviness of leaving the place behind you. Staying for a while you tend to get attached to the surrounding, the neighbours tiny tots who plant a few pecks in the hope of some toffeee or chewing gum, the trees and even the road that leads you there. You develop a kind of familiarity (that doesnt breed any contempt whatsoever). Never could make good friends for a life time. You know used to feel at home and now home is going to be elsewhere and the the memory of this place(an the time you spent there) will soon fade away. Realisation dawns that any home is only going to be temporary and even homes dont last for ever.

Now after my father told me that i might have to leave Bangalore and go to another city, i wonder if i would b able to take this dilemma of moving into another town where i have spent 5 years of my most precious days of my life. I kinda wonder if i would eb able to get away from these pppl here around me. I know my mother wont let me stay here alone. But guess dad might have to go alone.
Life is all about moving with times. And the lighter the baggage the easier it'll be to move next time around.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Whats in a blog!!!

Well have been contemplating this for a while now and guess the moment of truth has finally arrived .... yes people this officially is my first blog ever.

Must admit it wasnt easy . A good number of roadblocks for the first step in a long journey ..... the most popular one being the session thingie...good for me I read thru whatever other bloggers had to say. A friend also suggested that I type stuff in a notepad(windows not your standard scribbling pad ) before I post a blog, and then tell me just how much inspiring can the notepad be ! :) Still on the time-out...
I mean people have huge expectations from bloggers I guess, among which the toughest would be they think we are really capable of thinking on our feet. Sorry to disappoint you folks! Our brains reside in our knees and thats way higher than what you anticiapted. They also think we are really good and fast at formatting (font,size, templates, left margin right margin )...*sigh*

Then the choice for a URL? If you come late all the good ones names taken and if you are the proverbial early bird you are really spoilt for choice ..way too many worms.... just can em and Go Fish I say!. I chose this coz I like to believe I am concerned about the environment and this is the least I could do. Really!

Name aaah name whats in a name ? This is a tricky part to choose the right balance between anonymity yet retaining the quintessential "you". You are not allowed to change it later coz you would be shown the way to some whacky therapist(will cost you dearly) for displaying symptoms of a very fashionable syndrome MPD. Its really an in-thing these days. But then, as I do with my wardrobes decide more on comfort than fashion. I love desserts and I love roses and I also love the song by Sting. There!

Getting into the thick of things ...what do I write about ? Seriously no jokes! A myraid of topics under the sun too choose from.... gender based issues, love marriage, current affairs ;), memories, ,........................................................ . Will broadly classify them into two categories, my personal fav and hot topics the junta would love to read. After a series of debates with a mirror I ruled out the later coz that would reduce me to a tissue paper (read newspaper, with due apologoies to all my journalist friends)

Having written all this, I am embarassed to admit that I promised a friend my blogs would comprise of only one line or at most 30 words! Well then at least I made one person smile :) And surely she must be well now!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Few more from the Accenture Bash!!!

Accenture rock band

hawain Beach Wear

Casual Wear

The Star of the show

Club Wear

Chakde Phate

Western dance team

two lucky bums

Ethnic Wear.. sext guys ;)


Salsa..sexy stuff here again.. guys enjoying to the glory ...lol

Photo of the year...lol...

Dance Dance.. after this u need to get back to work and slog!!!!

Smile, an everlasting smile!!!

A smile, as we all know, is something we can wear and always look good. There is something about a smile that actually makes you want to smile along.....

Was dining with a group of friends one mid-summer evening. At the adjacent table was a family of three mother, her daughter and son and a lady who looked like she was employed as domestic help. The girl looked like she was 14 and the boy 10 or thereabouts. The lady smiled at us politely in an attempt to start a conversation.

My friends did the honors of talking to her and I was just amused by the girl, you know the regular school girl with a boy cut, buck teeeth, pale pink complexion and a charming smile that started with one ear and went all the way to the other. It was a smile that said she didnt have a care in the world. Her mother told us it was their exams-are-over-so-we-get-to-see-a-movie kinda outing. They were kinda late and the service was pretty slow. When the food actually arrived they gobbled it up in a hurry. The lady instructed the domestic help to take the girl down and she would follow with her son.

We were all surprised to see the maid carry the girl in her arms and take her down. The girl was paralysed from waist down. Maybe tells the cynic in us that in the childs heart there's a lot of joy.... inspite of the pain.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Life's Like That

It is amazing the kind of stories one gets to listen with a few friends around. Nothing tops endless cups of hot coffee, cold coffee and chips in office cafeteria or just a Coffee day or Barista with the evening drizzle to keep us indoors. I always love the times when there are jokes and anecdotes to share.
And the best part is its always a true story at the end. That some guy actually had the opportunity to say or do something so silly always has me in splits. The conversation slowly moves from one poor jerk to another till we all run out of gas. After an hour or so, it feels so good to be have been there. All for just Rs. 35 !
So this one fine evening with loads of work piled up at home, i set off to meet a few good pals. Here are a few jokes i hope i'd not forget soon.
Cell-phone conversations you wished u could have been a part of:-

--- "Hello... Hello... HELLO Nee M**da, emi vinpeeyatle, gattiga matladu!!! .............Oh..**rather sheepishly** "cheppu Daddy"!
--- "Saar, nenu Warangal ninchi matlathunanu. Stock ready undi. Emi cheyamantaru?" "Oh.. o pancheyi. Ventane Hyderabad ki bailderu" "Ah... ? Akkadiki vochi....?" "Nuvvu vochina taravatha apudu matlandukundam le. Mundu tondarga ra"
--- "Hello, I am Smitha calling from ______. Do you have any questions or queries regarding your network subscription?" "Yes, are you married?" !!!
---One really bored student wants to know the course fees regarding a particular college. "Hello. What are the fees?.. aha .. ok.. how many students do you have? aha.. .ok... How many per class?... aha... Yes, one more question saar. How many girls per class?" !!!!
---The guy who asked that "Are you married?" question improvises the next time the Customer Service Care ppl called. "Hello, I am Shailaja calling from ______. Do you have any questions or queries regarding your network subscription?" "Yes, are you married?" ; "Sorry.. i did not get you" ; "Yes, are you married?" "EH?" "Arre L**j*m****a!!! English lo adikite ardhamkale?
---One dude is trying his best to evade a certain guy S___'s call. First time S___ calls our boy responds "This phone is temporarily out of order. Please call after a few min. **sings the Reliance Jingle** Karlo duniya muthi me...". Second time S___ tries again and our fellow responds similarly. "This phone is temporarily out of order. Please call after a few min. **sings the Reliance Jingle** Karlo duniya muthi me..." Third time S___ calls again and ... "Arre Ch****e! Eni saarlu chepalra??? This phone is temporarily out of order. Please call after a few min. **Karlo duniya muthi me...**!!!!

Well ppl who understand telugu and the bad words in telugu would enjoy this more..

Saturday, April 09, 2005

The songs they chose were..Yeah!!--Usher, Dhoom(english)--Dhoom, Kabhi Aar-Raghav.. and on more song .. i dont remember that :) Posted by Hello

The western dance group had a good set of numbers when in came to the selection of songs !! Posted by Hello

The western Dance group Posted by Hello

What could these two lucky bums ask more in life...Dancing with Maliaka Posted by Hello

I must say they were really good Posted by Hello

The star of the show.. Maliaka Arora Khan Posted by Hello

The Accenture Rock Band Posted by Hello

My Accenture Show snaps Posted by Hello

My god this was on hell of a show that we went for last evening.
It was the My Accenture 2nd aniversary bash. And this was one hell of a show that i hav every been to......... Lights .........Camera......... Action........ That was what it was all about........
It was a platform to promote and appreciate each one’s internal talent. A day where all the people from various Business Processes stand on one common ground, as one team.
A day where fun reinvents itself over & over again,A reason to let your hair down, A chance to flaunt your talent and have the ‘best in business’ personify you inActing, Singing, Dancing, DJing.
An guess who the MC for the show was.... None other than Maliaka Arora Khan.
Man; what was she.. a hot sensational seductive lady, who doesnt look like as if she is married or had a kid ever. She was amazing.
This was what my eveing was all about:
5:45pm-- Left home for the show.
6:10pm--reached the venue and searching for my friends.
6:15pm--got my friends finally and went in with them for the evening bash.
6:30pm--Accenture rock band performance.
7:15pm--Enters the Hot Maliaka Arora
7:25pm--Ethnic Fashion Show.
7:50pm-- God's own call center, Drama
8:30pm-- some random momacts and stuff...
and then dont ask me the timings ahead coz i dont remember them either..lol
but the programs listed are below:
Hawain beach wear..Club Wear..Womens in colors..Power formal wear..Party night wear..--Fashion Show..
We also had..the western music group singing all the way Bon Jon Jovi's songs..Cher..Mettalica and stuff....
We had the Contemporary Dance--thats a fusion dance..
Then we had the western dance with the songs-- Yeah!!(Usher), Dhoom--(English dhoom machale version), Kabhi Aar( Raghav) and the other song..hmmmm i dont remember.. lol..
and that wa the end of the program.. we all were out of that place by 10pm.
It was really nice.
Maliaka Arora had invited a couple of ppl over the stage to dance with her.. though she didnt dance much.. but her jhatkas and matkas were enough for the men around to drool over her..
It was a evening to remember.. enjoyed a lot.. durng the event and after the event toooo...

What am i doing at work now

Guys this was one day that i enjoyed a lot. 9th April 2005 will be written in history for in my life in golden letters. Y?? wait for tommorow. U will find it in the next post.
Have changed a lot of things with the templete here...just added in a few more colors here.. i love colors..

Friday, April 08, 2005

The problem with you is...

I took three good minutes to decide if i should add this post. Finally, I just stuck to the reason why "Shoot for the Moon !!!" was created in the first place. I inferred that an hour of high-decibeled talk with my Dad shouldn't be forgotten so fast.
Began while i was having some really harmless talk with my mom. Harmless, as in, updating her on the latest gossip amongst my friends or trying to teach her how to change the cell-phone settings. That's a tried and tested strategy. Never failed me while small-talking to elders. And it's not misleading either. You are just trying to tactfully divert a discussion away from the more uncomfortable topics. And the bonding always helps.
This is as long as my Dad walks in. He's too smart for all this banter. He probably tried the same stuff on HIS folks too. He gets into the room and the Tension-o-Meter starts moving to the "Danger" level. Yup! It's written all over his face. He wants to be a part of the discussion too!! To top it, my mom's just turned the TV off. Yipes... its a no-way-out situation here. I am doomed to talk with my Dad now. Why? GOD? WHY???
With all due respect and reverence to my father, i'm not cursing anyone here! I love my parents far too much to go about carrying tales on the net. Furthermore, it's a pretty obvious fact that I wouldn't be around here if it were not for them. :D But i always hate the part where i have to look at the floor while they're deliver their speech. Its a pretty lop-sided debate there. If I was to open my mouth it'd be my "OVER CONFIDENCE" and my "EGO" on the Cross. If that same mouth were to be zipped, it would be my "DUMB" and "ALOOF" nature to face the firing range. In any case, it is pure death that i face. Oh poor twisted me!
The signs on that fateful Wednesday nite said the same thing. The bedroom light still on. The fan slowly humming. Mom relaxing. Dad gazing at the cieling. Me in the middle of a sentence that practically made no sense at all. It didn't matter though. He cut me off right there.
In order to spare myself the pain of reading the crass Telugu i know, i'm translating most of the part into Blog Language.
"So... inka enti?" (So...what esle?") ---- Dad
"Nothing much..." --Me
"Arre... everytime the same answer? Hows work going on ?"
"Well... nothing much. We had ..."
"Aaah... again! Why don't you ever give me some other answer?"
Yeah right... and why don't you ever ask me anything else???....{Wish could say that}
"Well.. we had a training about a course on Embedded Systems on Monday where they talked about how it was going to help us and all"
"Yes.. yes.. you told me about that! It's an expensive course. You have to be quite dedicated to opt for it."
eh? me and opting for an EXTRA course? How'd he ever get THAT idea??
"And that's one of the big problem with you. You are never dedicated in what you do. Always leaving everything incomplete. I have hardly seen you ever finishing any work you take up."
Aaargghh... Yes!! Yes!! I know! I know... That's #56 in the past one month!
"In any case, do what you want!"
Aah! yes.. a retreat. The enemy has lowered their weapons. For a side that by a thumb-rule should remain on the defense, the best option is to lift the socks and make a run for it. But for a sudden rush of blood and bad Vaastu, I HAD to open my mouth.
"What do you mean 'do what i want'? I'm not loitering on the roads,am i? I'm trying to do a lot of creative stuff over here. So what if it is not related to the curriculum. Shouldn't you encourage me for doing something i like?"
Dumb! Dumb! DUMB!!!!!!
"Eh? Emannavu?" ("Eh! pardon?"),
"Well... nothing!"
"Chepu... I won't tell anything. You know i'm always approachable"
"Well, i am doing quite some stuff. That is why i'm not even getting enough sleep these days. I am... ",
"Nee talakay! This is exactly the problem with you... " ("Ur head!.....")
And the rest of the discussion goes on for another rough hour and is rather monologue in nature, interspersed with a few "Well... nothing"s and "Uhm.. I never said that" from my side. But its a losing battle you see. For all the communication skills and GRE coaching classes, nothing ever seems to pay off in front of the Big Man. So the topic jumps from Work, Friends, Futher studies, MBA, Interviews, Job, Money, Perfection, The telugu Community, Success in life,Weak Mentality, Over confidence, Head strong Attitude,Laziness, ability to leave all works incomplete,a lot of shouts and screams from both sides and for some strange reason Marriages,wedddings and relatives find their way too...By then, our next-door neighbour probably got bored and switched off his light. That's when we realised it was nearing midnight here as well. That didn't stop Dad though. And we go on and on...
Mom in the meanwhile has slowly slipped away. That leaves me quite unarmed. Normally i look for sympathy and pity from atleast some direction when in pain. But now i was pretty much left without any backup plans. All that shouting and screaming makes him very nervous ... and sleepy!!
The debate could continue endlessly. But he gets tired as much as i do of it. This is certainly not the first time we've had such a showdown. But every time both of us forget a very small detail. For all i'm worth, I'm quarelling with my Dad. And for all he's worth, he's quarelling with his Son. Absolutely no headway anywhere. I know i'm wrong in not following his orders and doing as i please. I plead guilty on that count. But i do have my own reasons for doing so. These however are all sub judice. The court shall not bother what the reasons are. Either the job has been done or it hasn't. The court cannot help if the accused is trying to argue on different grounds. I return with a sulking face and put the light off as i leave the room.
Discussion is always a major criteria in fostering a relationship. Listening to the other side is as important as trying to defend yourself. I always feel sad that i never get to make my point while having such a discussion. Sadder still i've never got to talk to my dad about anything else. It is usually this scene enacted endlessly or jus plain silence.
I try not worrying too much about all this. It's probably the genes. Or its just the age. Or its the bad day he's had. Or probably he's completely right and i'm hopelessly wrong. Whatever the "truth" may be, i try listening to all the shit everyone has to offer me. I choose the best, keep it aside, repackage it and store it in my blog.

**Deep breath**

'cos such moments always seem sweeter in retrospect!!!!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

When God holds no meaning...

Today, I helped an old woman cross the road. And, though I did have that glow of 'doing your good deed for the day' for a while it quickly faded and I was overcome by a different kind of emotion...

Y do people have to grow old? Y can't they just decide to die someday without going through the misery of old age? Is old age life's way of handing back to us what we gave others during those moments of youthful indiscretion?

Every once in a while when I decide to do the grocery, I see old couples walking down the street carrying a few bags in their old wrinkled hands that contain the provisions that would get them through the week... Their children are probably sitting comfortably in their plush apartments somewhere in New York or Seattle oblivious to what their parents have to go through just to make sure that food gets to their table.

Is it what I will go through once I get... I can't even get myself to say the 'O-L-D' word. It is too scary a thought that someday it will be my turn. I will be that woman who has to walk the road everyday to buy provisions because he is too weak to carry a month's supply. Someday it will be I who has to seek help to cross the road.... Someday these legs would be too old to walk a mile and the hands too old to hold a cup of tea... :-( Someday I would die. That would be deliverance. But, why do I have to go through suffering before that?

I do not believe in the doctrine of karma that says people only get what they deserve. What is the fault of an infant born into a family so poor and undernourished that his mother is not strong enough to be able to breast feed him? However bad his karma might have been does it really justify his not getting food, the basic right of every animal on this planet?
May be it is not..... May be it is just God's way of pleasing his sick ego that he is all pervading and powerful.... May be that is how he gets his kicks by playing with us. ..May be God himself is not so perfect after all. May be all the praises that we sing for him are overrated. May be he is the devil's alter ego. Who knows?

That hurts. We all know that evil is supposed to do, well, evil. But is God not supposed to thwart all its schemes? Is that not the very purpose of his being? Then why is he not fulfilling that purpose? Perhaps he is just a conniving heartless soul. If all people were happy and content, would he not be out of business? Then how does he differ from Microsoft?
The truth is, he doesn't.

Heights of Frustration Part # 3

I really dont know where to start and how to start. 3 days of off.. no work.. just me at home with my parents. Of course mom and dad always have something or the other to chat and talk. but what about ME...
I dont have a brother or a sisiter; i am the only child to my parents. It sometimes seems to frustrating and i seem to get so angry when i dont have anyone to talk to at home. It seems to me at times like the entire house is ready to bite me and eat me away. The loneliness really sucks..No one to talk to, no one with whom i can share exactly what i feel; no one to tell me what is right or what is wrong { as a friend} .. what i am trying to tell here is that y should i always go out with my parents anywhere.. y should i always tell them what i am doing, what i am supposed to do, what not, why, how , where, when... Why so many WHY's in life......
And frankly speaking about friends..everyone is selfish in this world.. there is no one here for eachother.Only if u have some work or if u need someone then u think about the so called friends... Are friends only meant to have fun with when u need them.. r friends only required when u are sad for a shoulder.. are friends only required to sit and booze in a pub.. are friends only required to crib about things happening in their life...... NO NO NO...
The whole problem with me today is that i am missing that one person very badly whom i need in my life..He never realises it and guess wont realise it also.. He is happy with his friends.. though he has some problem with his work but then i guess thats a part of ur job... It recently is hurting me a lot since a few days. I seem to be missing this person like missing water in a desert... a tortise waiting to cross the desert.. yeah right sounds funny but is not to me..
There r just so many things happening in life now... that seems like relationships r just a mess..

1*There is this guy whom i chat with.. just started chating with him for the past few months...may be 2 months or so.. and have chatted with him only 6-7 times.. and this guys seems really crazy to me.. He is married..stays in middle esat with his wife.. and 2 kids. The way he chats with me sounds like he is trying to fulfil his so called online desires. I just asked him on his face, that " when u already have a wife and kids y do u need all this " .. he says his wife is working and by the time they both get back home they dont have the time or energy to do anything.. shit man.. whats life all about.. i just got so freaked out on him and stopped chatting with him... what does he think i am haan.... i never knew that he was married.. tried to explain him things but nothing went to his head.. Y cant men ever commit to a single person in life. Y r they scared of the word commitment. Y does reality bit them so much. Y cant u be loyal to urself...Y do u have to cheat urself and others..Is that fair at ur end. When it comes to this guys case. All that i can think about is that u need to talk ur wife thats the only solution. U got to make her realise things and u got to tell her what u feel about this entire thing and what u need in life with her. When u cannot do this in life with ur wife and dont share that kinda understanding with her; then Y THE HECK DO U HAVE TO MARRY...

2* Second crazy thing happening for the past few weeks. There is this guy working in bangalore in a government firm. Sounds always very happy happy; i wonder whats there in life to be so happy about and is crazy about my voice. I have no idea whats so great about my voice. Its just like another girls voice. Du-uh... but this guy is just getting into my nerves....keeps calling me now and then.. when i am at work... when busy outside.. when in a temple.. when in a chrch,.. when in the loo .. damn everywhere...eating my head.. i just cut his calls.. y the heck should he do this.. i am not in love with u .. i dont like u.. then Y Y Y Y.. do u have to call me... i have never shown any kinda interest in u......then Y eating my head. Y dont u just go ur way and i will go my way... And one thing i hate abut guys is.. this Chain that hey have.... they take some friends cell number.. take a girls number and keep circulating it around. This is one thing that really makes me go mad and crazy.. STOP CALLING ME PLZZZZZZZZ......

3* Its such a beautiful climate outside.. Nice cool breeze... and i just want to go out and have a nice time...with that one person..but then time is the factor.... anyways there is no point talking about the person coz things will not change..

Just got back from a drive and had been to the church..
There is this church near my place.. Infant Jesus Church.. i go there every thursday or if anyday i am feeling down...I dont know y but then this place really gives me a peace of mind and as soon i look at mother mary its just tears that u can see in my eyes... i start crying....crazy but true... I guess i need to stop here and try to divert my mind from all this now and think about the good times that i have had.... i guess thats all life is all about. Think about the good times Kiran and the best willl come to u :)

Heard this song in a movie..Socha Na Tha...Liked it a lot..the lyrics just speak my mind....
I hope someone sings this for me one day :(

Main seedhay saadhe dhang se..... kehta hu apni baat.....
Ek ghar basana chata hu..... main tumhare saath..
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....

Main seedhay saadhe dhang se..... kehta hu apni baat.....
Ek ghar basana chata hu..... main tumhare saath..
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....

Khushiyo se ghar ko...sajaunga hamesha...
Daftar se bhi main waqt pe.. aaunga hamesha...
Lauga main thode.. taza phoool bhi...Karunga main puri har khushi...
Manuga..main manuga ...manuga main har ek baat...
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....

Main seedhay saadhe dhang se..... kehta hu apni baat.....

Chanda aur tare...launga teri khatir...
Tum jo kaho main woh...gaaunga teri khatir..
Chalo yeh bhi tumse wada hai mera...Chahunga main tumhe tutke..
Jitna saato..pyar layo tum... jaunga nahi kahi ruuthke..
Aunga....main aunga..aaunga tere pass..
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....

Main seedhay saadhe dhang se..... kehta hu apni baat.....
Ek ghar basana chata hu..... main tumhare saath..
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....

Monday, April 04, 2005

Birthday with Pagalguy.com friends

With the heading of this post u must be thinking what pagalguy.com is.... Its a website for ppl doing their mba or aspiring..u get lots of info here about the B-schools..and i have made lots of good friends here.... These r the snaps that we taken on my b'day...in Forum, Transit. These guys singing Happy b'day so loudly in front of 100's of ppl that i really had to get concious....
But frankly speaking.. there is lots that i can learn from these ppl.... ex: writting CAT since 1996 and still going strong till he gets through CAT.....man ppl really have patience...
Here r a few snaps that were taken...

This was the gift that thses guys gave me..

The bangalore PG team

Thanks a lot PG bangalore.. for everything :)

Post B'day effects !!!

Still not able to come over the hang of it that my b'day is over.. had nice fun..
Putting a few snaps here that were taken in my office for the so called cake cutting and smashing ceremony....
These snaps were taken last night in office..

My b'day cake Part 1 No dont be surprised with my name.. coz thats how my great company has put my name in the records... its actually kiranmayi v r

My b'day cake Part 2

The person to get crusified in the next few minutes

yaar i dont feel like cutting the cake..it looks good with my name on it.

To my team mate Rashmi

Thats it i am done here. !!!

Sharath all set to put this snap on a matrimonial site.

To great Photographers taking eachothers snap . Sumon and behind the camera is Sharath.

Team snap.. not that very clear though..

Sanjay all set for a date with Maliaka Arora on 9th at Accenture

Yummy tastes good

Chee Chee dirty dirty.. Paul behind..

The model of our team..He is gonna do Modelling for Maliaka on 9th;Tries so hard but still no girl falls for him. His name is also Kiran.

This is Umakanth..one guy who never stops looking at girls and he likes only HR girls.I wonder whats the secret with HR..

Sharath. he is one guy whose knowlegde is always appreciable.

Poor me. These guys na.. wait i will also do this to u all one day. Mera bhi number aayega

look at this..just look at me. these ppl removed the rose from the cake and put it on my forehead. dont know the correct placing also.

Paul and Sumon enjoying the cake.

Sowmya. She is one girl who tolerates all of us even after raggin her so much. but is fun. she really is a sweet gal.