Whats The Meaning Of Life !!!!

Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.

Friday, April 08, 2005

The problem with you is...

I took three good minutes to decide if i should add this post. Finally, I just stuck to the reason why "Shoot for the Moon !!!" was created in the first place. I inferred that an hour of high-decibeled talk with my Dad shouldn't be forgotten so fast.
Began while i was having some really harmless talk with my mom. Harmless, as in, updating her on the latest gossip amongst my friends or trying to teach her how to change the cell-phone settings. That's a tried and tested strategy. Never failed me while small-talking to elders. And it's not misleading either. You are just trying to tactfully divert a discussion away from the more uncomfortable topics. And the bonding always helps.
This is as long as my Dad walks in. He's too smart for all this banter. He probably tried the same stuff on HIS folks too. He gets into the room and the Tension-o-Meter starts moving to the "Danger" level. Yup! It's written all over his face. He wants to be a part of the discussion too!! To top it, my mom's just turned the TV off. Yipes... its a no-way-out situation here. I am doomed to talk with my Dad now. Why? GOD? WHY???
With all due respect and reverence to my father, i'm not cursing anyone here! I love my parents far too much to go about carrying tales on the net. Furthermore, it's a pretty obvious fact that I wouldn't be around here if it were not for them. :D But i always hate the part where i have to look at the floor while they're deliver their speech. Its a pretty lop-sided debate there. If I was to open my mouth it'd be my "OVER CONFIDENCE" and my "EGO" on the Cross. If that same mouth were to be zipped, it would be my "DUMB" and "ALOOF" nature to face the firing range. In any case, it is pure death that i face. Oh poor twisted me!
The signs on that fateful Wednesday nite said the same thing. The bedroom light still on. The fan slowly humming. Mom relaxing. Dad gazing at the cieling. Me in the middle of a sentence that practically made no sense at all. It didn't matter though. He cut me off right there.
In order to spare myself the pain of reading the crass Telugu i know, i'm translating most of the part into Blog Language.
"So... inka enti?" (So...what esle?") ---- Dad
"Nothing much..." --Me
"Arre... everytime the same answer? Hows work going on ?"
"Well... nothing much. We had ..."
"Aaah... again! Why don't you ever give me some other answer?"
Yeah right... and why don't you ever ask me anything else???....{Wish could say that}
"Well.. we had a training about a course on Embedded Systems on Monday where they talked about how it was going to help us and all"
"Yes.. yes.. you told me about that! It's an expensive course. You have to be quite dedicated to opt for it."
eh? me and opting for an EXTRA course? How'd he ever get THAT idea??
"And that's one of the big problem with you. You are never dedicated in what you do. Always leaving everything incomplete. I have hardly seen you ever finishing any work you take up."
Aaargghh... Yes!! Yes!! I know! I know... That's #56 in the past one month!
"In any case, do what you want!"
Aah! yes.. a retreat. The enemy has lowered their weapons. For a side that by a thumb-rule should remain on the defense, the best option is to lift the socks and make a run for it. But for a sudden rush of blood and bad Vaastu, I HAD to open my mouth.
"What do you mean 'do what i want'? I'm not loitering on the roads,am i? I'm trying to do a lot of creative stuff over here. So what if it is not related to the curriculum. Shouldn't you encourage me for doing something i like?"
Dumb! Dumb! DUMB!!!!!!
"Eh? Emannavu?" ("Eh! pardon?"),
"Well... nothing!"
"Chepu... I won't tell anything. You know i'm always approachable"
"Well, i am doing quite some stuff. That is why i'm not even getting enough sleep these days. I am... ",
"Nee talakay! This is exactly the problem with you... " ("Ur head!.....")
And the rest of the discussion goes on for another rough hour and is rather monologue in nature, interspersed with a few "Well... nothing"s and "Uhm.. I never said that" from my side. But its a losing battle you see. For all the communication skills and GRE coaching classes, nothing ever seems to pay off in front of the Big Man. So the topic jumps from Work, Friends, Futher studies, MBA, Interviews, Job, Money, Perfection, The telugu Community, Success in life,Weak Mentality, Over confidence, Head strong Attitude,Laziness, ability to leave all works incomplete,a lot of shouts and screams from both sides and for some strange reason Marriages,wedddings and relatives find their way too...By then, our next-door neighbour probably got bored and switched off his light. That's when we realised it was nearing midnight here as well. That didn't stop Dad though. And we go on and on...
Mom in the meanwhile has slowly slipped away. That leaves me quite unarmed. Normally i look for sympathy and pity from atleast some direction when in pain. But now i was pretty much left without any backup plans. All that shouting and screaming makes him very nervous ... and sleepy!!
The debate could continue endlessly. But he gets tired as much as i do of it. This is certainly not the first time we've had such a showdown. But every time both of us forget a very small detail. For all i'm worth, I'm quarelling with my Dad. And for all he's worth, he's quarelling with his Son. Absolutely no headway anywhere. I know i'm wrong in not following his orders and doing as i please. I plead guilty on that count. But i do have my own reasons for doing so. These however are all sub judice. The court shall not bother what the reasons are. Either the job has been done or it hasn't. The court cannot help if the accused is trying to argue on different grounds. I return with a sulking face and put the light off as i leave the room.
Discussion is always a major criteria in fostering a relationship. Listening to the other side is as important as trying to defend yourself. I always feel sad that i never get to make my point while having such a discussion. Sadder still i've never got to talk to my dad about anything else. It is usually this scene enacted endlessly or jus plain silence.
I try not worrying too much about all this. It's probably the genes. Or its just the age. Or its the bad day he's had. Or probably he's completely right and i'm hopelessly wrong. Whatever the "truth" may be, i try listening to all the shit everyone has to offer me. I choose the best, keep it aside, repackage it and store it in my blog.

**Deep breath**

'cos such moments always seem sweeter in retrospect!!!!


Blogger Pradeep said...

I can understand the encounter can be very dispiriting and frustrating. I guess, most families go thru such things.

One reason is the obvious generation gap. The elders (with due respect) can hardly see the way the youngsters perceive. The tragedy is that the very same elders don't realise that when they were young,their parents or uncles didn't see things the way they saw.

The well-known counsel is that parents shouldn't pass comments on their adult-children's preferences and opinions. They may be children, but they are well-informed adults too.

The responsibility of parents ends with giving a sound foundation to children. Once the kids have grown up, parents should respect the views of kids, even if they don't agree.

Sadly, not many parents realise this cardinal thing. Few are the parents who are very conscious of their responsibility as parents (besides giving them education and marrying them off!!!).

Most of them think only of their rights, to ram things down children's psyche -- right from school age to adulthood.

Now for the harassed kid... only way is to just grin and bear it, As you rightly said, we need to be grateful for the effort they took in bringing us up and made what we are today.

I wrote this rather long piece, since human relationship is a topic that I am interested in and which I have closely studied. I can go on and on discussing this topic....

April 08, 2005 12:25 PM  
Blogger Kiran said...

hi pradeep...
thanks for postingin and a belated happy b'day to u...
i am not upset about the conversation i had with dad.. but its kinda funny now when i read my own post....
All this just happens.. and hey my father and me having a generation gap... no no... ints fun chatting with him and having such sessions.. and being the only child..i can expect this.. he is too cool... an amry offcier.. travelled in india and abroad.. what more can i ask for... he is too good :)

April 08, 2005 1:30 PM  

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