Heights of Frustration Part # 3

I really dont know where to start and how to start. 3 days of off.. no work.. just me at home with my parents. Of course mom and dad always have something or the other to chat and talk. but what about ME...
I dont have a brother or a sisiter; i am the only child to my parents. It sometimes seems to frustrating and i seem to get so angry when i dont have anyone to talk to at home. It seems to me at times like the entire house is ready to bite me and eat me away. The loneliness really sucks..No one to talk to, no one with whom i can share exactly what i feel; no one to tell me what is right or what is wrong { as a friend} .. what i am trying to tell here is that y should i always go out with my parents anywhere.. y should i always tell them what i am doing, what i am supposed to do, what not, why, how , where, when... Why so many WHY's in life......
And frankly speaking about friends..everyone is selfish in this world.. there is no one here for eachother.Only if u have some work or if u need someone then u think about the so called friends... Are friends only meant to have fun with when u need them.. r friends only required when u are sad for a shoulder.. are friends only required to sit and booze in a pub.. are friends only required to crib about things happening in their life...... NO NO NO...
The whole problem with me today is that i am missing that one person very badly whom i need in my life..He never realises it and guess wont realise it also.. He is happy with his friends.. though he has some problem with his work but then i guess thats a part of ur job... It recently is hurting me a lot since a few days. I seem to be missing this person like missing water in a desert... a tortise waiting to cross the desert.. yeah right sounds funny but is not to me..
There r just so many things happening in life now... that seems like relationships r just a mess..

1*There is this guy whom i chat with.. just started chating with him for the past few months...may be 2 months or so.. and have chatted with him only 6-7 times.. and this guys seems really crazy to me.. He is married..stays in middle esat with his wife.. and 2 kids. The way he chats with me sounds like he is trying to fulfil his so called online desires. I just asked him on his face, that " when u already have a wife and kids y do u need all this " .. he says his wife is working and by the time they both get back home they dont have the time or energy to do anything.. shit man.. whats life all about.. i just got so freaked out on him and stopped chatting with him... what does he think i am haan.... i never knew that he was married.. tried to explain him things but nothing went to his head.. Y cant men ever commit to a single person in life. Y r they scared of the word commitment. Y does reality bit them so much. Y cant u be loyal to urself...Y do u have to cheat urself and others..Is that fair at ur end. When it comes to this guys case. All that i can think about is that u need to talk ur wife thats the only solution. U got to make her realise things and u got to tell her what u feel about this entire thing and what u need in life with her. When u cannot do this in life with ur wife and dont share that kinda understanding with her; then Y THE HECK DO U HAVE TO MARRY...

2* Second crazy thing happening for the past few weeks. There is this guy working in bangalore in a government firm. Sounds always very happy happy; i wonder whats there in life to be so happy about and is crazy about my voice. I have no idea whats so great about my voice. Its just like another girls voice. Du-uh... but this guy is just getting into my nerves....keeps calling me now and then.. when i am at work... when busy outside.. when in a temple.. when in a chrch,.. when in the loo .. damn everywhere...eating my head.. i just cut his calls.. y the heck should he do this.. i am not in love with u .. i dont like u.. then Y Y Y Y.. do u have to call me... i have never shown any kinda interest in u......then Y eating my head. Y dont u just go ur way and i will go my way... And one thing i hate abut guys is.. this Chain that hey have.... they take some friends cell number.. take a girls number and keep circulating it around. This is one thing that really makes me go mad and crazy.. STOP CALLING ME PLZZZZZZZZ......

3* Its such a beautiful climate outside.. Nice cool breeze... and i just want to go out and have a nice time...with that one person..but then time is the factor.... anyways there is no point talking about the person coz things will not change..

Just got back from a drive and had been to the church..
There is this church near my place.. Infant Jesus Church.. i go there every thursday or if anyday i am feeling down...I dont know y but then this place really gives me a peace of mind and as soon i look at mother mary its just tears that u can see in my eyes... i start crying....crazy but true... I guess i need to stop here and try to divert my mind from all this now and think about the good times that i have had.... i guess thats all life is all about. Think about the good times Kiran and the best willl come to u :)

Heard this song in a movie..Socha Na Tha...Liked it a lot..the lyrics just speak my mind....
I hope someone sings this for me one day :(

Main seedhay saadhe dhang se..... kehta hu apni baat.....
Ek ghar basana chata hu..... main tumhare saath..
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....

Main seedhay saadhe dhang se..... kehta hu apni baat.....
Ek ghar basana chata hu..... main tumhare saath..
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....

Khushiyo se ghar ko...sajaunga hamesha...
Daftar se bhi main waqt pe.. aaunga hamesha...
Lauga main thode.. taza phoool bhi...Karunga main puri har khushi...
Manuga..main manuga ...manuga main har ek baat...
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....

Main seedhay saadhe dhang se..... kehta hu apni baat.....

Chanda aur tare...launga teri khatir...
Tum jo kaho main woh...gaaunga teri khatir..
Chalo yeh bhi tumse wada hai mera...Chahunga main tumhe tutke..
Jitna saato..pyar layo tum... jaunga nahi kahi ruuthke..
Aunga....main aunga..aaunga tere pass..
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....

Main seedhay saadhe dhang se..... kehta hu apni baat.....
Ek ghar basana chata hu..... main tumhare saath..
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....
Kya dogi... mere haatho main bolo tum apna haath....