When God holds no meaning...
Today, I helped an old woman cross the road. And, though I did have that glow of 'doing your good deed for the day' for a while it quickly faded and I was overcome by a different kind of emotion...
Y do people have to grow old? Y can't they just decide to die someday without going through the misery of old age? Is old age life's way of handing back to us what we gave others during those moments of youthful indiscretion?
Every once in a while when I decide to do the grocery, I see old couples walking down the street carrying a few bags in their old wrinkled hands that contain the provisions that would get them through the week... Their children are probably sitting comfortably in their plush apartments somewhere in New York or Seattle oblivious to what their parents have to go through just to make sure that food gets to their table.
Is it what I will go through once I get... I can't even get myself to say the 'O-L-D' word. It is too scary a thought that someday it will be my turn. I will be that woman who has to walk the road everyday to buy provisions because he is too weak to carry a month's supply. Someday it will be I who has to seek help to cross the road.... Someday these legs would be too old to walk a mile and the hands too old to hold a cup of tea... :-( Someday I would die. That would be deliverance. But, why do I have to go through suffering before that?
I do not believe in the doctrine of karma that says people only get what they deserve. What is the fault of an infant born into a family so poor and undernourished that his mother is not strong enough to be able to breast feed him? However bad his karma might have been does it really justify his not getting food, the basic right of every animal on this planet?
May be it is not..... May be it is just God's way of pleasing his sick ego that he is all pervading and powerful.... May be that is how he gets his kicks by playing with us. ..May be God himself is not so perfect after all. May be all the praises that we sing for him are overrated. May be he is the devil's alter ego. Who knows?
That hurts. We all know that evil is supposed to do, well, evil. But is God not supposed to thwart all its schemes? Is that not the very purpose of his being? Then why is he not fulfilling that purpose? Perhaps he is just a conniving heartless soul. If all people were happy and content, would he not be out of business? Then how does he differ from Microsoft?
The truth is, he doesn't.
posted by Kiran @ 10:12 PM
4 Comments:
There are a few questions that can never be answered. And I do not believe in the karma theory. Neither do I believe in fate etc.
But I do belive in God! To me, God is the Conscience. The Conscious! The Self! Listening to it or not is our free-will. And we reap the seeds of our choice.
Something u might be interested to read.. :-)
http://prabat.blogspot.com/2005/03/modern-sphynx-riddle.html
I ask your forgiveness in advance for rambling.
I have mixed feelings about so many things you wrote about. First off, I hope that if I live to an old age, that I keep my mind and body in tact, and if I were to lose either of those things, that I would die young rather than go on living a half-life. I'd rather die from a failed parachute opening young than live to be 80 and not remember who I am or who the people that I once loved deeply are. Nor do I want to go through the many hospital visits that several older members of my family have gone through.
That being said, I have deep respect for the elderly, whose stories I should listen to more often, and whose advice I should take with great readiness. If I live to 80, I want to have lived a rich life and have no regrets. Of course, the same is true if I only live to 30.
As to God, and his place in all of this, I'm at a time where my faith is in question, having pretty much forsaken my history with the Christian church and started studying different religions. Still, I cannot help but believe in God, existing in some loving nature.
What I've taken from my time in church is the commandment Jesus gave to "love your neighbor as yourself," which I've also seen reflected in other religions. The idea of people loving and really taking care of other people is the religion I believe in.
When I was at some churches, I was told not to associate with Non-Christians, for fear that their so-called "wicked" ways would have a negative influence on me. I think if I were to extend that way of thinking to my ideals of wanting people to learn to live for not just themselves but for the good of others, I would have to never watch or read the news again, as every day I'm reminded of the horrible things people are capable of, whether intentionally or out of apathy.
So is their faith to be found in this? I think so. I think if I gave up that hope, I would lose my reason to live. But as much as the awful things that happen plague the news, and the world we live in, there's so much good to be found within as well. I guess I still connect that good with God.
I'm going to stop here, because I'm rambling, which I knew would happen as soon as I started to comment.
On another note regarding the elderly though, I can't help but be reminded of a time I went shopping with my grandparents, and my grandma who was plagued with health issues and sometimes had trouble walking, instinctively reached for my grandpa's hand, finding it already waiting there for her to hold. The love they had before my grandma passed away was a strong testament to me that even in old age, there are little reminders of the good in life.
I am not denying the fact that i dont believe in god or anything of that sort... i do beleive in god and have always done so. Its just that the thoughts in my mind that come in my mind is y is god making ppl suffer so much in life. Y has god given this word called poverty, misery and sadness.
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