I am confused!!

It's funny how melted dark chocolate kind of looks like dry blood. I'm glad I can taste again; I was thinking maybe food would have no emotional meaning to me anymore 'cos they cut off a nerve or something. Then again, it's almost as if all of us are numb and indifferent most of the time anyway, so why bother with nerves and feeling anyway? Everything has become automatic; the things that shouldn't be... the things that we should really stop to think about a little bit.

We pay ridiculous amounts of money for car insurance and life insurance and house insurance... and our lifestyle is toxic - we overeat; overdrink; overwork... we drive SUVs, even though we rarely have more than one person in the car at a given time, contaminating our air. We use air conditioning in the summer to pretend we aren't meant to be outside - to prevent us from adapting to our natural environment (but how can we adapt anymore anyway since we've caused the unhealthy overwarming of our cities due to the greenhouse effect?) So is the insurance a cause of our condition, or a response?

We lock our car doors while going for groceries or shopping or work... and then we wonder why theft is such a problem in cities. How safe can we really feel when we can't trust our neighbours? Do we even have neighbours anymore?

We buy elaborate alarm systems for our homes to protect our families... and in the middle of the night, someone forgets to shut off the alarm before going outside for some air, and jars everyone out of bed - but they all know it's a false alarm, that someone just forgot to shut off the alarm. What kind of meaning can an alarm have when 99% of the time, it goes off by accident? Who are we protecting ourselves from? Ourselves?

Our smoke detectors are placed in specific places throughout the house... so when we step away from the kitchen because we're doing 10 other things at once and a slice of burnt toast fills the air with acrid smoke, they can scream at us for becoming as thoughtless and neglectful as we've all become.

A single pill once a day makes it easy for a woman to prevent pregnancy... yet there are more single, unwed mothers today than there ever have been, and a strange effect it's had is that less women even wish to be mothers at all or are giving birth later in life, and only to one or two children. And then, we've created daycares for other people to "watch" them while we're at work, because children have dangerously imaginative minds and God knows what kind of trouble they can get into if we don't drill it into their brains early that they must always be watched; that we are all always being watched... unfortunately, we're not any of us being watched by the people who should be watching us.

I just finished the small, half-opened chocolate that I'd started yesterday, but couldn't eat 'cos the wounds from my wisdom teeth were too painful. The dark chocolate has kind of melted on the crinkled wrapper. Somehow I feel sick.

I'm glad.