Food in mind

i've been thinking alot about food today. not that that fact makes today much different from any other day, but today not only will i think about it -- i shall write about it! so...i love food. alot. pretty much all food. i mean, like everyone, i guess i have my food hang-ups. although i've gotten over a couple of them very recently. thanks to a mix-up at the sandwich shop across the street from my office ...i am now okay with eating raw tomatoes and olives. the universe works in mysterious ways. since the reconciliation between me and the olives, i've even gone so far as to have them in my house. sometimes the world is filled with so much beauty i can hardly stand it. well, beauty and olives.
so...food. it's a big deal to me. huge, really. i love to eat food. i love to cook food. i love to share food. i find comfort in food, and alot of my most cherished memories are inextricably linked to food. diwali is a perfect example. the bonding that took place in my grandmother's kitchen the night before diwali was an important part of my life. typically, my grandma, my mother, and my favorite aunt would spend the entire evening -- until after midnight -- in the kitchen. laughing, talking, and preparing the diwali meal and sweets...
i also learned alot about love and family and affection in that kitchen. i remember how it smelled, and how the windows steamed up as the night time air grew colder and the old gas oven grew warmer. i remember the sound of my gran's old stove, and the laughter of my mom and my aunt as they ganged up to make fun of their mom. those times, those memories, are what i think of when i hear the word "family." i miss those nights.
these days, it is food that has facilitated the healing of old wounds between dad and me. when i cook for my family, it is always my father who is loudest with praise, who never fails to go back for seconds. am i a good cook? yes. but, even when the dish isn't up to restaurant fare, my father shoos away my doubts and raves. and, of course, many of the dishes i prepare i choose specifically with my father in mind. i'm still that young girl trying to please him and win his approval. and, i think it is an unspoken understanding between us. i think he sees me reaching out, and has, in turn reached out himself in apology to me, showering me now with all the praise he never gave me then.
there are days when i wish i didn't love food so much. but, nothing lifts the spirits like a big steaming bowl of real mashed potatoes with curds and the the tangy flavour of the chat masala, and, unfortunately, i'm a gal who needs her spirits lifted often enough to make an undeniable impact on my ass. i was thinking today about turning over yet another new leaf. making a concerted effort to visit the gym regularly; suddenly, i felt sad. i realized that i do want those things...but i want my mashed potatoes, too.
oh, i could go on for days. my old fav maggi with roasted chicken in it.... . a rare steak. mexican dishes.... . grapes...cutlets... . but i guess i'll just say that life is too short, in my estimation, to give up the things you love. so, while i have committed to myself this february day to tackle my body with the same zest and enthusiasm i have for mashed potatoes...i'm not giving up the potatoes, either.