Whats The Meaning Of Life !!!!

My New Phone: RAZR V3 BLK

2006-08-30T02:19:00.000-07:00

Ahh my previous post My New Phone : Samsung D820 , i had written in that post that the phone was extremely good and so on... but after using it for a month i felt it was a disaster and also learnt a lesson .. NEVER GO ON LOOKS.... lol

Well the phone was ofcourse sleek and nice and amazing to look at.. the additional features in it were also great but to tell the truth it lacked the basics..When i speak about basics i am talking about the functions of the Phonebook or the Messages and so on... I kinda didnt like it really. After Sales Support was also Pathetic...

So decided to get rid of that phone and picked up RAZR V3 BLK Motorola. My previous motorola phone E398 was very good and i was extremely satisfied with it. SO decided to go on with Moto series itself.

Happy Birthday Boss !!!

2006-08-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

29th August....... Today is my boss's birthday. He is now 29 Years OLD. And u know what... he gave a us a wonderful news last evening. He is getting married tooo... i mean ofcourse not today... but he would be getting engaged on Sunday and then married on December 6th. Nice. I remember we had put bets once about who would get married first and well he won the bet.. I am happy for him. Its nice to hear him talk about his fiance with his friends over the phone.. but he has told us not to tell anyone in the office about it.. I wonder why he doesnt want us to tell anyone about it... anyways now most of the ppl know coz its on my blog :P

Hmmm so we gave a him a bunch of lovely flowers and then a card.. and then a wallet... his wallet was all in tatters.. so i decided to gift him a wallet and u know what i just relaised that i have given the same kinda wallet ot all the guys in my team. Its like an IT wallet now :)

Anyways Happy Birthday Som and All the Best For your Lovely Life Ahead with Shweta !!!

Monday Blues !!

2006-08-28T00:20:00.000-07:00

Ahhh !!! Monday is one day of the week that i hate the most. Its so boring to get up, get ready and go to work after such a nice peaceful weekend. I dont know why but everyday morning when i have to go to work i am always in a grumpy mood when sitting in the morning for breakfast. I remember Jaanu too telling me that his dad too is always in a grumpy mood in the morning when he has to go to the clinic. I don't know why my mood changes like this in the morning everyday. I always wish to say a sweet bye to my mom in the morning but i just pick on the words that she speaks and then have a argument with her and leave the house.. I guess something is seriously wrong with me..

Another thing that i noticed about my behaviour is that i just don't like receiving calls from my home when at work. Of-course when mom calls me up i do call her back if i am not able to pick up the call. But then if she just calls me fora chit chat i just DONT LIKE IT. I means when i am at home she doesn't talk to me much, then why disturb me when i am at work for such chit chats. Lets take today's example, its been a long time since Jaanu has gone to the rig and hasn't spoken to mom casually, she just wanted to talk to him, Mom calls me up in the middle of a meeting and then i cut the call. I call her back immediately coming out of the meeting and then i call back mom and she she asks can you tell Jaanu to call me.. i just want to talk to him.

Comeon mom!!!I mean i come out of the meeting to listen to this that u want to talk to Jaanu. I slog my ass in this organisation for almost 10 hours a day and you call me up to tell me that u want to talk to my boyfriend. In such senarios i really cannot control my temper and i spoke rudely with mom. I know i owe her an apology but then i always try to explain these things to her and she jsut doesnt seem to understand and repeats the same mistake.

Sorry mom !!

But people tell me something what needs to be done in such cases. Any suggestions ?

Festive Mood in the Air !!!

2006-08-27T23:31:00.000-07:00

Today was a very calm and a nice day. Being a Sunday i got up at the usual time 10.00am and then started watching television. Though i asked my mom if she needs any help with the cooking but she said.... " naaa u go and enjoy"... wow i wish my mom too was in this good mood always :P ... hehehe just kidding... well she really never allows me to do the home chores. She says u will have to do it either ways once u get married and stay with your husband, so just chill out now. Anyways then later got ready by 11.30 for pooja as today is Ganesh Chaturthi. So we all at home were set for the pooja. Dad kept on chanting a few prayers which ofcourse i never understood.Then mom was setting all the flowers and decorating them on then gods..Finally came my turn to start the pooja. Every yr during Ganesh Chaturthi we bring home a new Ganesha idol and decorate it with flowers and everything that he likes. His fav sweets and food too. I then placed the Lord Ganesha on a small bed of rice and and then i lit up the diyas and incense sticks. Then prayed to God to keep my family, my loved ones and friends happy always and give them the best in life.

After 2 days we immerse the idol of Lord Ganesha in a river or lake and wish that he comes back again soon next year with lots of love and luck for us. Attached is a snap i had taken when dad was praying.

Finally it was time to attack on the food. Lol.. Well before i could do that Jaanu called up to talk to me from work. He so sweetly everyday dedicatedly calls me at around 12 in the afternoon and then once in the night before sleeping. I just love him for being so sweet to me always. Then we spoke for a while and then attacked on the food... the food was just sooooooooooo yummy, the authentic south indian festival food.

Then i watched television for a while and then watched friends season 2. Oh !! did i tell u guys that this time when i met Jaanu he gave me a entire collection of Friends DVD's.... Well i have been watching friends since last week....

So this was my day.. didnt go out anywhere though today, just wanted to relax at home and be with mom and dad. Just got a few days to spend with them so want to be with them as much as possible.

Tommorow have to get back to work after this lovely holiday...... hmmmmmmmmm dont feel like working anymore. just want to get married and take care of my sweet hubby :) .. { ok Jaanu i was jsut kidding...not so soon haan.. kinda getting tensed now adays when i think about wedding }

Joke of the Day !!!

2006-08-25T02:07:00.000-07:00

Back to the blogworld!!

2006-08-25T00:20:00.000-07:00

HI Guys……
finally back again to the blog world….. have a lots of things to tell u all about… things i have been doing all this while.. and so on…. right now in office…. so will give more details about this longggggg break in the evening….. c ya..

Closing the blog for a while

2006-08-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
i am sure you all must be wondering as to why i stoppped bloggin all of a sudden.
Well have been very busy with work and personal life too.
So taking a break for a while. But i promise i will be back ..
take care all and all the best.

My new phone - Samsung D820

2006-07-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

Wow, i finally got my new phone..... i am so excited about this sexy black beauty...
I just fell in love with this phone the moment i saw it...
Samsung D820, the slim line slide phone, released last month in the market.
Factory Cost : Rs 20,999
Purchased Cost : Rs 14,800

Hahaha.. it as a great deal.. amazing camera clarity, its got a TV output, 60 mins video recording, 15.2mm thin,With the 1.3 Megapixel camera, 4x digital zoom,the rotating camera lets you shoot from different angles, 99g...... I just loveeeeeeeeeeeee it.

Out of Blog

2006-06-27T02:13:00.000-07:00

HI All,
Sorry for being off bloggin for a while have been busy with work and was not keeping well.
Will be back to the bloggin world this weekend...
Here u go with a small joke..

What's in a name?
A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Jaanu, etc.

The guy was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy: "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about ten years ago."

Day 6

2006-06-17T00:15:00.000-07:00

5th June 2006
It was a Monday. The beginning of the week and the day Jaanu was going to go back to Rajkot. My day started at 5.30am. I don’t know why but I got up early; maybe because I knew that Jaanu was leaving today and I was kinda getting restless. I wanted to cry… cry a lot….I just wanted to be alone all by myself thinking about a lot of things that have happened in my life and I wanted to think if the decision I have made this time is correct or not. I just sat alone in the balcony and just kept on thinking about it from 5.45am to 6.45am. I then went out to get the newspaper and tried to read the content but was not able to concentrate on the same. I just felt so weak. They always say that the women’s greatest strength is her greatest weakness. Finally I got ready by 8.30am and I was out to office.
As we had taken Raghu’s bike for a few days for Jaanu so Jaanu had to come down to office to drop off the bike. Since Nishil slept last night with Jaanu at the hotel so he had to drop him back to his place. Jaanu dropped Nishil off at MG Road and came down to my office. He was there at office by 9.50am. We got the fuel filled in the bike and gave it to Raghu. Later we went down to the hotel to collect the baggage and then drop Jaanu off to the airport. We still had some time. By the time we reached the hotel it was 10.45am. We had another one hour. We sat for a while, spoke, hugged him and cried… I know that Jaanu was sad too, I could see it in his eyes. I just felt terrible at that moment. I didn’t want him to go. I wanted him to be there with me always. I just hugged him and cried…. Finally we left the hotel to go the airport. We reached airport by 12.30pm. I was praying hard for the flight to get delayed but when we went to the counter; the flight was on time. Jaanu hugged me again and bid me farewell and told me to go away and not wait there. But I waited there I was there for almost and hour. all alone hoping that he would come back to me and hug me tight. But he didn’t. The flight took off and then I went back to my office. Sat in front of my PC wondering what I should do and where should I start the work from. I was already missing him a lot and I had the best days of my life in these 5 days. He reached Mumbai and gave me a call and from Mumbai he had to go to Rajkot back home. The flight for Rajkot was at 7.00pm. He was just going around the place and then got into the next flight and was back home by 8.15pm.
Jaanu was telling me that Tushar and Mitesh ( Jaanu’s childhood friends) came to the airport to receive him and gave Jaanu garlands for the great achievement of coming to Bangalore and hiding it form his parents about the trip…..
Thanks Jaanu for these 5 beautiful days of my life. I would cherish every single moment spent with you.
This one is for you Jaanu :

Since you left, the things I love just haven’t been the same
All that I have left of you, is a picture in a frame
Things just don’t feel the same without you
The world is just not as fun without you
Things just don’t taste the same without you
And what I am saying to you is from my heart and is true
I miss your eyes, I miss your hugs, I miss your sweet embrace
I miss your smile, I miss your kiss and that look on your face
I will always be the one here for u to hold
When you are lost and stuck out alone in the cold
You were the one who always put a smile to my face
You were the one that always made my heart race
You were type of guy that made everyone envious
Now without you, in my heart there is an empty space

Day 5

2006-06-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

4th June 2006
Hmmmmmmmmm Sunday……. Was a very interesting day. My company; like any other organization was on off on. Now tell me how would I come out of the house the entire day and be with Jaanu. Well this was all pre-planned. I had told my mother that I have some kinda training in the office on Saturday and Sunday. All the branch managers and general managers form all India would be coming down for this training and I too have to attend the training . heheheh My mom trusted me . Sorry mom didn’t mean to hurt u though. This was the excuse for the weekend to be out with Jaanu.
Well as it was a Sunday; I was veryyyyyyyyyyyy lazy to get up from the bed…so got up at 9.00am and got ready and was out from home by 10.00am. Jaanu and myself had decided to go to temple. Actually yesterday Jaanu had asked me if I go to the temple and I told him that I go on every Monday and Saturday. And since yesterday was a Saturday I couldn’t go to the temple coz had to be with Jaanu. So we decided to go to the temple today. I met him on the Airport road and then parked our bikes in Kemp Fort and went to the Shiva and Ganesha Temple. Jaanu always says that he doesn’t believe in God, but today I saw him praying to God and it really felt good. I know what he was praying and for whom. After that we went to Café Coffee Day for breakfast. I always had this fantasy of sharing a ice cream and a choclate cake with Jaanu. So we ordered for a Choc-o-Vloc and Irish coffee. The Choc-o-Vloc was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo YUMMY.
After that we went to Garuda Mall at about 11.45am. Went around the place and picked up tickets for 36 China Town and went around the place thinking what to do coz the movie was at 3.45pm. So we went to this place in the mall named Scary House. It actually aint scary but its something like a house that these guys have made with all skeletons and ghosts around. Well to be frank it actually is kinda scary but I came out bravely with a smile on my face and heart beating at the rate of 180 beats per min.. hehehehehehe…..
Next I called up Prashant {My ex-colleague in accenture and one of my good friends} to meet us up. He said he would be there at the mall at 2.00pm. So we again kept on thinking about what to do next coz it ws just 12.30pm and were not hungry coz we had a late breakfast. So we went to Shoppers Stop and saw a few shirts for Jaanu and a few kurti’s for me… I really liked those kurti’s a lot but didn’t feel it was worth the cost. We then went to Westside for some shopping. I liked a few kurti’s but was kinda expensive and Jaanu thought it was not worth the buy. He forced me like crazy to pick them and he wanted to gift them to me.. but I said NOOO { now don’t think that I am crazy to say no to him when is ready to buy stuff for me } … Then we at Westside I saw this cool shirt for Jaanu. I told him to try it out and he did and it looked perfect.. Remember the post Shirty Mess ; this was the same shirt. Then I tried on a few more kurti’s again I loved them but didn’t but them.. not worth the buy… Then we met prashant and went to the food court and I had some salad and rice and rajma and Jaanu has some chats and then prashant was getting bored with us so he took off home back home and we went in for the movie.
36 China Town was a timepass movie.. Little comedy, little suspense nice songs, cute Shahid Kapoor, sexy Kareena, nice shooting locations and ok ok songs.
After the movie with a heavy heart I said bye to Jaanu coz I wont be there or rather we wont be there with each other tomorrow onwards the entire day. Jaanu was leaving the next day to Mumbai. He dropped me off to the temple again and picked up my bike and Jaanu got off his bike and kissed me in front of soooooooooo many people on my cheeks… I was shocked… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went back home and Jaanu went to meet Nishil at his place. Jaanu got back along with Nishil to the hotel later in the night at 12.00am and they were off to sleep.
Day 6 in the next post.

Day 4

2006-06-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

3rd June 2006:
I began my day at the usual time. Got up at 8.30am, as it was a Saturday I was feeling to lazy to get up from the bed… but aaahhhh I had to meet Jaanu. Got ready and was of again to office. Met my team guys for a while, found out what work they had the previous day and told them what needs to be done today. U know sometimes I feel that my team guys can not manage the show for the day without me. I am not trying to say here that they are completely dependent on me or trying to say that I am just tooo good at my work. But its just for a simple fact there are so many things that are going in that organization that my team guys don’t know 60% of the info. They do not have the contact details of any vendors if there is some problem related to IT Support or IT Infrastucture. They do not know half of the passwords that we use for a couple of things. Its like most of the info is with me. Though I had taken a leave for 4 days but these guys did trouble me a lot over the phone for all small small issues. Accepted that I ignored most of their calls unless my boss calls me up :P
Anyways Jaanu came down to my office and picked me up at office at around 9.45am. We were already kinda getting late coz Jaanu had got stuck in the traffic and the movie “Poseidon” was going to start at 10.25am. By the time we reached the theatre it was 10.35am. The movie had just started so we were glad that we didn’t miss much of it.
The movie was great. “Poseidon” means the god of the sea. This movie is based on a ship that sinks off on a new yrs eve. Well it seemed like it was almost the remake of Titanic; the only difference being that people died here coz of Tsunami instead of an iceberg. It’s a story about how 6 people come out alive from the ship which is deep inside the sea. The movie did have a lot of technical stuff about the ship which probably a lay person like me wouldn’t have understood. But thanks to Jaanu “My Rig ballast Control Operator” explained me most of the things.
As we were getting late for the movie so we couldn’t have breakfast; that’s why during the interval I had some popcorn and Jaanu had Ice tea and American sweet corn. I have never tasted Ice tea ever in my life and today for the first time I sipped it a bit. Though I kinda didn’t like it but …aaaaaaa…. cool with me. Hehehehe
Next we just went back to the hotel and were chatting till the evening. We were actually kinda getting late coz it had started raining heavily. We were already out on the bike by 5.30pm but got caught in the heavy rain, so stopped by a store and stood there watching the rain. I wanted to play in the rain but was scared that I would fall sick the next day at wont be able to meet up Jaanu; that’s y I explained to myself “Kiran be a good girl “ :)
We waited for almost half an hour for the rain to slow down but I guess god wanted me to get drenched with Jaanu in the rain. We finally caught hold of a rick and got into it. The rick guy was very sweet and dropped us off by my office. By then the rain had stopped, but it was drizzling slightly.
I dropped Jaanu at the MG road and I got back home.
Jaanu later went to Garuda Mall again to have his dinner and get some movie tickets. But couldn’t find any.
He got back to the store to pick up his bike and was at the hotel by 10.30pm.
Day 4 ends here.

A Perfect Husband --------

2006-06-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what a perfect husband would be like? I am sure the girls who are reading this blog post right now must be having a pretty fair idea about their PERFECT HUSBANDS..... but what about the guys.. Do you guys realise what it is to be perfect husbands?
No offense but frankly speaking i have more guy friends than the girls..Actualy i DONT have any girl friends.. Just office collegues but even with them i dont talk much. They all are too elder to me or we are so busy with work that we just get time only to say a "Hi" and a "Bye" .
We usually have our lunch hour at work from 1.00pm to 1.45pm. Me and my team guys have lunch very late; say somewhere around 3.30pm or 4.00pm. So today i thought i would catch up with some of my friends in the recruitments dept and have a chat with the girls.
Soooo the topic of the day was "My Dream Husband".Everyone had their own opinions, everyone told what they want in their husbands and how he should be lookswise and should be brainy and money minded and so on... the usual thing of " he should be smart, intelligent, lots of money honey, and should love me very much"
Will all this be enough to survive in this world ? Isnt there anything called UNDERSTANDING ??
It was my turn to tell the girls what kinda husband am i looking for. I ended up givin them a big lecture :P My statements were for and against men...
Now lets take a scenario of new married couples .... The kinda guy whom i already have found is the perfect match for me. I dont want a husband who works in a proper 9.00am to 6.00pm job. I never wanted things that way coz what i feel is when your partner is working in a 9.00am to 6.00pm job which usually tends to extend; by the time he comes back he is so exhausted with work and tired that he cant think about anything except have a shower, watch television , have dinner, watch television, give a good night kiss to his wife and off to sleep. Correct me guys if i am wrong. This is what a usual guy having a 9 to 6 job does. Where is the scope of making a small chit chat with ur wife. Usually men tend to get cranky when u ask them " honey how was ur day " ... and the reply u get " can u please leave me alone for a while" ......... most of my married friends tell me this ok.. so i am preety sure that i am not wrong on this...
What happens over the weekends ? Guys always like to hangout with their guy friends. And usually the wives who are damn possesive about their husbands dont allow them to hangout with them. Why should the wives stop their husbands from going out with his guy friends ? Dont you all girls think that the man his right to have his own space in life ? When you both have decided to spend your entire life with eachother with respect then why not give him the respect and let him to what he wants to. I am sure that if the guy is sensible enough he would know what is right for him and what is wrong for him. A girl always wants to know where her husband is going, what time he would be back and with whom is he goin out... Are all these questions reallyy required.. I dont think so... I have found a guy for mysel whom i trust the most. I an say trust more than myself. He is the sweetest thing possible.
I'll tell u one incident.I happened to have sms'ed Jaanu one day evening asking him " Hi How r u.. how was ur day" . He replies back. " Hi jaan , my day was good. got up at 9, got ready went out for some work, came back home sat online for a while, had lunch, went to sleep at 3 and got up at 5, now out with mom was some shopping " .......... Wow he gave me the entire report for the day. Thats was something that i didnt expect from him. Another day i sent across the same message and he replies me back with all the things in he did that day. I was actually kinda missing him and ws too tied up with work so couldnt speak to him during the day and usually in the evenings he is busy with his friends. So i thought i would sms him rather than speaking with him over the phone. Yesterday Jaanu was out with his friends for a cricket match and 2 of his married friends had come over with their wives. Later in the evening Jaanu... Tushar, Mitesh and Dheyi ( Jaanus childhood friends) were out for a long drive on the highway and stopped at a place for some tea. They were discussing about how their future should be even after marriage. Finally Tushar said " i hope we will always be this way out in the nights even after marriage". Jaanu was very confident and said that " I dont think i woudl have this problem, coz Kiran herself likes going out a lot".---- Thanks Jaanu for having faith in me..
*What i want in my husband is faith and trust me in . I think this is the most important thing in any relationship. If u dont have faith and trust in eachother there is nothing called relationship left between the partners.
*I want my husband to love me for whom i am.
*I want my husband to be fun loving.
*I want my husband to be outgoing
* I want my husband to realise a simple fact that everything on this earth cannot happen always the way he wants it to be.
*I want my husband to give me the freedom to do what i want to do.
*I want my husband to me when i need him.
*I want my husband to help me sometimes with the daily chores.
*I want my husband to wipe my tears when i am crying.
*I want my husband to give me hope when i am loosing out on something.
*I want my husband to be a good husband and a great father and an excellent son to his parents.
What i will give to my husband is all the love he requires.
*I want to give my husband his own space in life.
*I am not going to ask my husband 101 questions for simple things
*I am not going to stop my husband from going out and meeting his friends
*I am not going to order him to do the house chores
*I am not going to stop him from buying things that he wants to buy ; but just give a slight adaice to him and ask him only one question " is it worth this amount ?" { Jaanu this point is specifically for you} -- Let me tell u this incident.Jaanu had picked up a Samsonite Backup 3 months ago. When i saw the backpack the first time i met him. I jsut didnt find it worth the price he paid for it. When he came down to bangalore i got the opportunity to carry the backpack and trust me guys i loved it.... it was so light even though there were quiet a lot of things stuffed into it... Price : Rs 2000/- ........Good buy Jaanu... {applause}
*I want my husband to give me kiss everyday in the morning when he gets up { I think that would be enough for me to be happy all day }
* I want to be there for my hsuband when is not feeling that great and wants to share his thuoghts and view with someone. -- I know i am good speaker but yes i am a good listener tooo..
*I want to be a good wife, a great mother, a great daughter and a wonderful Daughter-In -Law

Day 3

2006-06-11T00:45:00.000-07:00

2nd June 2006:
The day3 was a nice one. We were out all day long. I left home at the usual time of 9.00am to head towards office. Ofcourse i was on leave on 2nd June but Jaanu was going to come to pick me up. As mentioned in the Day 2 we had picked up tickets for the movie Fanaa and the show was at 11.25am. I reached office at about 9.30am and jsut met my team gus and gave them the tasks for the day and by 10.30am Kitan was at my office. Since he didnt have his breakfast so we went over to this juice shop near my office and had mango milk shake { yummy } and Jaanu had a sandwich. We then rushed for the movie. 3 hours Fanaa. It was a nice movie. Something different from the usual hindi movie flicks.. The best thing in the movie were its songs. I loved them all. For me in a sing its most of the times lyrics wat matters more..i loved the shayari in the songs... "Chaand Sifarish" :The first song of the soundtrack and the best. and i loved "Dekho Na " : The song starts with the sound of rain pouring. Extremely romantic song sung by Sonu Nigam and Sunidhi Chauhan. Sunidhi is truly AMAZING in this song! .Listening to this song makes one imagine snow-capped mountains, green grass and flying sarees. It’s that romantic. Prasoon Joshi personifies the wind and the weather through his lyrics and that’s what makes this song such a delight to listen to. The movie was over by 3.00pm. We were not very hungry so just had a Choclate milk shake with nuts at the Transit ( the food court at the Forum). Then we decided to go for bowling at Ameoba. Went for bowling and picked up the tickets. We were also waiting for Nishil to come down. Nishil and myself wanted to meet eachother. And like a usual bollywood star he said " bhabhiji i wil be there in 30 mins " . We called him again and then he said "i am down i will just come 5 mins" . We ordered for some green color drink...10 mins were over and he still didnt come to meet us.. Jaanu went down in search of him and couldnt find him anywhere. Jaanu came back up and said "yeh nahi milne wala sala, come lets go for the game ".
We went in for the game and after some 5 mins FINALLY Mr. Nishil came along with Mihir and they were seeing us bowl. Nishil was cute.. and Mihir sooooooooo tall and just looked like Sukhbir Singh and a chain smoker. Eeeekkkkssss.... U know during the bowling i was winning the game and it was my turn and i took the ball in my hand and i dont know how.. it just slipped off my fingers and instead of going in front it went off behind near the sitting area... Both of us just coulndt stop laughing... coz of the ball sliping off from my hands i kinda hurted my fingers... so couldnt play the rest 3 shots well.. Anyway finally the WINNER WAS OFCOURSE MEEEEEEE.........
After the game we went to Cafe Coffee Day sat there for a while....had coffees and then left the place... One thing i kinda didnt like it was Mihir was constantly talking with Nishil and Jaanu in Gujarati, even after realising that there was a non gujju spekaing person sitting along with them ME. Anyways i didnt mind that coz i was trying to understand the language and can ay i couldunderstand 40% of what Mihir was speaking :) There was this incident that i must appreciate Nishil for. While were sitting and having coffee at CCD; there were these 2 foreigner ladies sitting and smoking in th smokers zone. It was a bit sunny at that point of time and the sun wa about to set which was facing towards one of the lady. Nishil had told us that " just wait and watch now she will remove her sun glasses and put them on". We kept on waiting for the right time and within a minture she removed her sun glasses and put them on. We all burst out laughing. I never knew Nishil knew sooooooo much GIRLS :P . Nishil and Mihir left later and then Kiran and myself went to Garunda Mall and thought of picking up movie tickets for the next day movie.. we wanted to watch "Da Vinci Code" but couldn't get the tickets for the same. So we decided to watch "Poseidon".
Then Jaanu droppped me back at office on the bike and i got back home 7.45pm.
Jaanu went back to the hotel and was chilling out.
We spoke for a while over the phone in the night and then went off to sleep.
I sometimes really feel bad that i couldn't be with him the entire evenings and just left him everyday at 7.45pm :(
Sorry Jaanu. I promise i will make it up for all those evenings that we missed...

Re.editted:
Sorry guys had to edit the post again to add this last paragraph.
After Jaanu read this post he reminded me on 2 incidents that i forgot to add in Day 3.
* We had been to a bookstore to purchase a few Archies Digest. Jaanu is a big fan of Archies and has a whole lot of them collected since childhood. The bookstore guys where chargin us Rs25/- for each book but Jaanu refused to take them as he wanted to purchase it for Rs20/- each. He had picked up a total of 10 books. The bookstore ppl didnt negotiate for the cost so he dropped the idea of picking the idea of purchasing them. So i thought since he is a fan of Archies i would buy it for him. But Jaanu gave me such a horrifying stare that i said ... hmmm ok fine chalo aage.. :P
* When Nishil, Mihir, Jaanu and myself were walking up the road to Cafe Coffee Day, we met a small girl selling red roses and she was pestering Jaanu to take them for me... Mihir and Nishil and myself were just laughin a lot. So Jaanu took 2 roses from the girl and later i absolutely forgot about them . 2 Days back i asked Jaanu as to why he didnt give me those roses. He says " Those roses were not so nice to give it to such a nice person like you"...
thanks jaanu .

Shirty Mess !!!

2006-06-09T10:23:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had my first fight with Jaanu. When Jaanu was here in Bangalore, we had been to Westside to pick some shirts for him. He tried on one shirt which really suited him a lot and I too loved it. But Jaanu was fussy and didn't want to buy that shirt. So I decided that I would pick it up for him, even then he said no and he went and picked up a shirt for me and said that " if u are buying that shirt for me then I am gonna buy this shirt for u. "
I didn't want to pick up anything for myself so I dropped the idea of buying the shirt for him and went ahead..
After he left bangalore I went and picked up the same shirt and couriered it to him at his home. He messages me at 3.00pm and says that " got your shirt but had to pay for the octrio. dont know y "
Me with joy called him up to know if he was happy and he in turn scolds me saying that "this was not required. If I want I can buy a shirt for myself here you don't have to send it al the way from Bangalore. In bangalore it was a necessity but here it is not."
I got really pissed off and told him that " I have sent you this shirt as a gift, its not for the reason that you cant buy one for urself out there" and said bye to him .. hung up the phone... and switched off the cell phone. I later switch on the phone and get a sms from him saying that :
" There is not point you hangin up on me like that.Even if u call me after an hr or 10 hrs or 10 weeks or 10yrs u have to realise that you have done a mistake"
Now i dont understand this, is giving a gift to somenoe whom u love sooo much... is a MISTAKE :O
I replied back saying " i would not talk to u for the next 10yrs" and he said " Fine with me "
lol.......
Later in the evening at 9.30pm and said :
" hello "
" What is it "
" U still angry with me "
" y should i be angry . u said u wont talk to me for some 10yrs right , so just waiting for those 10yrs to get over "
" Ok the 10yrs have got over jaanu, u know that we cant stay without talking to eachother for a single day "
" Yeah i know that, thats the whole problem here."
" u out with ur friends?"
" yes, i am out for a walk so will talk to u later in the night"
" cool, talk to u later then, byeee"
"bye , love u "

Then he calls me in the night at 12.30pm and again says that it is my mistake. Then i tell him that "if i picked up a shirt for you , it was out of love and a gift for you and the reason y i didnt take the shirt from u when u were here in bangalore is coz mom would ask me 10 million questions about it coz according to mom i was at office and not shopping jaanu!!! "( i didnt tell mom that i as on leave for 5 days esle she woulndt hae allowed me to meet Jaanu)
Then FINALLY Jaanu says " ok sorry :)"
i too after little "nakhras "told him sorry too.
It was a nice experience of my first stupid argument with Jaanu. We always used to wonder till now as to why we have never had an argument or a fight about anything. Finally we had our day :)
I hope we dont have this everyday though..
But frankly speaking people tell me " is it wrong to buy a gift for the person whom you love ??"

Day 2

2006-06-08T05:27:00.000-07:00

1st June 2006 :
I had asked my boss for leave from 1st june to 5th June. But boss had approved leave only from 2nd june. After giving tons of excuses and making sad faces he finally agreed to give me leave on 1st June too.. Jaanu was aware about my leave only from 2nd June to 5th June and he was a bit upset about it too but didnt express it. He didnt know that my leave on 1st June was approved later. I thought i would again give him a surprise by picking him up at the hotel. I left home at about 8.45am and took off on the Airport Road for Whitefeild. To reach to hotel its just one sinple straight long road with lots and lots and lots of traffic. I was stuck in the traffic jam for almost an hour. Jaanu was going on calling up on my cell phones and called up on my collegues cellphones too to find out where i was but i didnt recieve his calls. I was finally so pissed off with the sun on my head that i had no choice but to call up Jaanu and tell him that " sweetheart i am stuck in the traffic jam . I thought i would give u a suprise but sorry cant keep things to myself. I thought of giving u a surprise by knocking at ur door but guess thats not going to work."
Remember according to my previous post Day 1 i was supposed to give him a suprise by picking him up at the airport.. that one also didnt work :(
Anyways i finally called him up spoke to him while driving..reached the hotel.. still talking...got into the lift... still talking with Jaanu over the phone and then knocked his door. He thought it was the house keeping guys and told them to go away.. but then i again knocked the door and stil talking with him over the phone haaan.. and finally he opens the door and sees me.. yippeeeeeeee i get to see Jaanu again after a month.. i hugged him... We both were waiting to see eachother.. so much... then we got off the room and were speaking in the lounge room. Both of were not hungry so didnt have breakfast .. just had some tea.. Then we decided to go out and take one of my fiends bike for him to use. We went to Forum Shopping Mall. I was very hungry so wanted to have some grub.
He has sweetcorn soup and me hot and sour soup and we shared the chopsuey dragon.. yummmy..
Then we picked the bike from raghu and decided to watch a movie the next day so picked up the tickets in forum for Fanaa. Then we just went around the place andwent to Ameoba, we thought we would do some bowling but then we were in no mood after reaching that place.. we just wanted to talk talk and talk.. we spoke for a long time and then he dropped me of till my bike and went back home at 8.00pm
He was just around ameoba for a while picked up a few things for himself to munch in the room and then went back to the hotel by 9.00pm.

Nishil and Mihir had been to his hotel to meet him late night at 11.00pm . They had dinner togeather and once they left Jaanu called me up on my cellphone. We spoke for a while and wished eachother good night.

It was nice day. We really spoke a lot and all these days the wait for him was just worth it after being in his arms.
Tell me confess this to you Jaanu in front of the Entire World Wide Web...I love u very much Jaanu.
I know i have told u this many times but i really mean it.

Amul : The Taste of India

2006-06-08T04:38:00.000-07:00

I always love the amul comic strips.I had got these in a mail from my friend Ruchir working with motorola, bangalore.

Day 1

2006-06-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

31 May 2006 :
Jaanu was supposed to come to Bangalore on 31st evening by Air Sahara flight arriving at 8.05pm. Jaanu's friend Nishil ( childhood friend, working in bangalore) and myself decided to give him a surprise by picking him up from the airport, but to my bad luck the flight was delayed by almost 3 hours.. Since it would have got late for me to pick him from the airport, i informed Nishil to pick up Jaanu and drop him off the hotel. Nishil has always been towards Malleshwaram side so he too didnt know about the location of the Ginger Hotel so they gave me call at 11.00pm and expected me to guide them over the phone.
Mihir ( Nishil's cousin) was driving the car so fast that by the time i could tell about the next turning he was way ahead straight on the wrong route... i got so pissed off with them that i told them to find their way to the hotel at midnight on their own and give me a call once Jaanu has checked in....{u got a spank for that too Jaanu }.. He checked into the hotel and called me up from his room... and
Jaanu says " sorry jaan.. mihir was driving fast.. it was late night and we couldnt find the right people to guide us and we were getting confused with the roads"
I said " When u know that u guys are not sure about the route then why drive so fast and mess around the place... anyways its fine.. u are here in bangalore.. thats what i want"
We spoke about the flight delay for a while and then just a couple off general things. Wished eachother goodnight and were off to sleep... To be frank with you all, i slept that night only for 3 hours... I was getting very restless with the whole fact of he being in the same town and me not being able to meet him. I have been waiting for this day for almost a month and now when he is here i cant be with him or see him as soon as he landed at bangalore. ..SIGH!!!
I waited all night for the clock to tick fast. I woke up at 1.30am...slept at 2.00am... woke up again at 3.00 am... slept at 4.00am.. woke up AGAIN at 5.50am and didnt sleep after that.. after a long time i actualy sat in the balcony in the morning and was reading the newspaper and when my mom saw the balcony door open she asks me " are you alright ?"
Day 2 will continue tommrow..

Rainbow of my Life!!!

2006-06-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

Hello all, long time since i have been to my blog and updated. Looks like my readers are really eager to know what i did for past so many days. I was out on a vacation; ofcourse not out of town but on a vacation in Bangalore itself.

My boyfriend had come down to meet me from Mumbai. Let me tell u all a few things about him.

" Asst.To The Captain on a Semisubmersible drilling rig off the coast of india. Involved Primarily in stability operations,cargo handling, helicopter and boat management & safety equipment & systems maintenance. im skilled at keeping my drilling rig afloat and being responsible for the lives of a 100 people."

Now can you imagine that long designation of his has so much responsibilties.. poor jaanu.. has to work so much.. :P

He just loves eating mangoes.. his mom has kept somewhere around 40 - 50 kgs mangoes stored for him to eat during his one month stay at home... wow... by the time he gets on the rig.. he would be become like a mango.. yummy and sweet and juicy.... hahahaha

He lovesssssssssss choclates, choclate cakes... ice creams like me.... this is one thing we have in common....

Jaanu is really crazy.. the pranks he plays on me.. his friends.. the incidents he telle me.. his ideas , his thoughts.. its just sometimes so different. But i love him the way he is..

Well i know i kept on buggin my readers with the poems and the countdown but for me it was worth the wait.. Next few post i will tell you all about the time i spent with Jaanu..or shall i say.. how i killed the time with Jaanu ( Kidding Jaanu ;) )

Jaanu is the rainbow of my life...

will be back tommorow

2006-06-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hey ppl....
thanks for all the mails you guys shooted in... will be back to my blog tommorow..

Countdown rolls down to hours ...20 hrs 45 mins

2006-05-30T10:23:00.000-07:00

I just cant believe that i am going to meet him tommorow.. just 21 hours left more to go... the time just doesnt seem to move on... it looks like as if the time is just stuck...Its just been 2 yrs since i know him but i got to know him closely only since March 10th. Things have moved on so fast and being loved by a person like this is something that a girl would always expect in her husband.
Just cant wait to see him tommorow. He doesnt know that i am going to come to the airport to recieve him. I wanted to give him a suprise. I hope the usual indian flights come in time and i could be with him for a while till he moves on to his next destination.

2............

2006-05-29T11:03:00.000-07:00

I give to you the key to my heart,
Keep it near so we'll not part.
There is so much you bring,
You mean more to me than anything.
I love to see your smiling face,
And feel your warm embrace.
You fulfill my soul like no one could,
With an unconditional love like no one would.
We wished upon a single star,
To fulfill our dreams from afar.
I never knew what true love meant,
Until I met you, an angel sent.
You gave me hope when I thought there was none,
My precious Love... you are the one!

Thoughts that cross my mind

2006-05-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

Today i had been for one of our close relatives daughters wedding reception. It was absolutely off my mind that today was Divya's wedding reception. Mom told me about it last night and as i was angry with mom, i told her that i wont be coming for the party. But today afternoon my dad told me to join them in the party so that the other relatives would feel happy with my presence.
I just asked myself a few questions lying in the bed in the afternoon :

Why do i have to go for the reception when i dont know the girl at all. ( I have just spoken to her only twice)
Dad said that the relatives would feel good with my presence. ( Am i some kinda public hero that they would be happy to see me.)
Why do i feel so weird when i relaise that someone of my age is getting married.

I didnt bother to think twice about the first two questions; but the third question hit me hard.

Its not that i feel jealous lokoing at the newly wed couple or something of that sort . But its all about the various thoughts that my parents go through when they see a happily married blessed couple. Coz their daughter aged 24 is still not married. I am not in hurry to get married neither are my parents. But they have to get me married soon coz of the SOCIETY. Because the society speaks about someones daughter if she is still at home and not married yet at the age of 24.

I dont know but its just kinda crazy... i dont feel like going to any weddings or receptions with my parents coz i cant look into their eyes after the entire episode.

When i went for the reception today evening; every one was asking me " So kiran when are u getting married. " I had no words to say. After having a break up and then again falling in love its kinda hard to digest the fact of trusting men who would love u and are ready to get married to you.

My boyfriend does love me very much and is ready to speak to my parents about our wedding, but he needs time to settle down financially and i do appreciate his thought. But the next question that comes into my mind is that my ex boyfriend couldnt speak to my parents about our wedding " the only reason being his parents were a bit conservative" . I am not blaming him or blaming his parents but the entire situation makes me think on only one question " Why fall in love when u cant stick on to it. "

Dont you think once before falling in love as to how would ones parents react and take the entire thing ?

3...........

2006-05-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

Forever takes me by a minute,
While I’m here with you.
I’m falling even more in love,
With everything you do.
Hold me in your arms,
Look deep into my eyes,
Don’t turn away and let me go,
Don’t ever tell me lies.
I swear I’ll never loose you,
In my arms I’ll always hold.
I’ll never let you slip away,
And leave nothing left untold.
There aren’t enough hours,
In each passing day,
To find all the words,
I wish I could say.
Your kiss will last forever,
Your touch forever warm.
You’ll guide me to the sunlight,
And shield me from the storm.
This is what I’m saying,
With everything that’s true,
I swear on my life,
That I really do love you.

4

2006-05-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

The feeling of holding your hand

The feeling of your lips when they touch mine

The feeling of your body when you hold me close

The safe feeling i have when in your arms

The feeling of your heart so close to mine when we hold each other close

The feeling of the beautiful words i love you we exchange

The feeling i get when i look into your beautiful eyes

The feeling i get when im around you is so great

The feeling of me sitting a lone and you not here by myside

The feeling of me missing you like crazy

The feeling of me and you being together again

The feeling of me and you

2006-05-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

i had a very heated argument with my mom today. Just feeling very miserable. Sorry god for doing this but .. i tend to lose patience when ...damn it..

5......

2006-05-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

The music of your affection
Surrounds the air I breath
The wonder of your passion
My soul will never leave.
Within my heart it glides
As we dance the dance of love
These moments with you
I could never have too many of.
Your kiss to me tonight
Soft as an angels wing
Came out through my lips
In this verse I sing.
I know your out there waiting
I hear your voice away so far
And the beauty of your words
The distance cannot mar.
Our bond it only strengthens
And as the nights go by
I feel your arms around me
As I gaze up to the sky.
The smile upon my lips
It will surely never die
As I’m waiting here for you
Until you're by my side.

Day before my weekend

2006-05-26T10:16:00.000-07:00

Today was a very productive day at work this week. Our firm had planned to open around 12 branches this yr and we are already up with 8 branches all over India. Its tough but the requirements that come up when you open a new office are just too much. You have to take care of everything from the minutest to something which people would just point at easily.
We have our Coimbatore and Hyderabad ( H2) branch opening up within the next week, with a total head count of 15 and 45 resp. Getting the interiors done is ofcourse comes under the admin managers dept but the backbone of the firm... the IT Infrastructure is what keeps us on our toes. Our firm is absolutely dependent on the internet. Getting the cabling done,ordering for new servers ..PC...Laptops... negotiating with the vendors how would provide us with the best possible deal. It definetly aint something that i expected i would be doing in this job.
Oh yes .. i am sorry .. forgot to tel you all ...I am working in a UK based recruitment firm with the corporate branch being in Bangalore. I am in the IT dept working a a IT Support and Operations Lead. I joined this job 7 months back. It has been a wonderful learning experience. Getting into vendor management, getting to learn a lot of things with your mistakes. One thing that i realised in this job is the immnse amount of knowledge and experience i have gained in learning new things. In my previous companies i felt that everything was spoon fed to us. We were never given an opportunity "To Think Out Of The Box" but here its always thinking out of the box.
Today i had a meeting with the finance dept in my office and the CFO regarding the late payments being made to the vendors. Things were really getting out of hand as the finance ema was clearing the bills very late. It was a very heated discussion but worth it :D
Later my teammates and a few other guys from the recruitment team went out for dinner at a new restaurant. " Lazeez" My god !!! it was a total disaster. I had ordered for a tandoori roti and a panner mattar masala. Roti was so thick and so salty and the panner sabzi was so sweet. It just tasted like some chinese sweet and sour dish. Had no choice but to gulp it down in front of the person who gave us the PATHETIC idea of going to this PATHETIC restaurant.
Later in the afternoon i was working on the report for the PC procurement in all locations in india. Sturggled with the numbers for some 2 hours and finally placed the order. Boss was happy with the cost cutting that i did when it came to PC procurement.
Over all it was a very busy day and a light day too after 6pm..
Tommorow our firm has organised a cricket match. just wondering how bad would my team guys perform. Well i have no choice but to be a good team leader so " All the best guys and play well and keep my name shining" hehehehe
Hey Jaanu if u reading this.. my leave hasnt been approved so you will have to come to my office and sit right next to me at work.. Boss said "No"..

6 days 5 nights more.................

2006-05-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

It's been exactly one month since I last seen you...And one month since I last hugged you..I never knew that the last hug I gave you was going to be the last hug... or last kiss... I never even got to say goodbye to you it just happened so quickly you were gone.
I know that you love me but I wonder do you know I loved you? I never got a chance to tell you, I was scared...the last time I saw your face I just stared I wanted so badly to run up to you and give you one last hug and kiss but I was scared. I just hope you knew I loved you...from this day theres one thing I regret the most and it still makes me cry I never looked you in the eye and say goodbye... I cry for you everynight and I pray...that I'll see you again and till that day I'll pray and pray for that day.

7 days and 6 nights !!!

2006-05-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I wish you were here,

When I feel like crying no one is near.

Every time we talk, you make me smile,

Even if I just talk to you for a while.
You are someone I wanna keep with me forever,

unless my love for you dies,but that'll be never!

8 Days and 7 nights !!

2006-05-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

I love you so much I can't even explain
This love is causing my heart so much pain
It’s probably ‘cause I can't see you everyday
I wish from the bottom of my heart there was a way
A way that we can share every hour, every minute and every second that passes by
You might think all of this is a lie
but it’s not I truly wish I could be by your side day and night
so you could kiss me and hold me tight
I love the warmth of your body right next to mine
when I'm with you nothing can go wrong everything is fine
I know that one day my dream will come true
and I'm gonna spend a lot more time with you
because I truly care and love you.

Countdown rolled down to a single digit --9

2006-05-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am, in your absence, incomplete -
Each day too empty, each night too long,
Following shadows down an empty street
Thinking, each corner I turn will be the one
Where you’ll be waiting for me.
Alone in a crowd, I seem to see you just ahead,
But as I push my way to go where you seem to go,
I do not find you -
someone else instead
Bears the form that made my heart lurch so
Sometimes I hear your voice across the street,
Or someone smiles the same way you smile,
And just for a moment,
you are here with me
And I with you for just a little while.
Always the quest, the seeking and yearning,
Waking in the night, saying your name
Then restless slumber, the constant dreaming
Only to find in the light of morning -
After all -believe me, i will always love U without any expectation.

10 days to go ...

2006-05-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

Lying on my cold bed
Looking at the darkness surronding me
The moon, shining so bright
Music starts coming from my mp3
It made me think back
To those sweet memories I have of you
I started to smile sweetly to myself
Then, the image of you leaving came back
Tears rolled down my cheeks
I screamed to the empty room
Hoping you will hear
"Why did I waste so much time on you?
You stupid monkey !!
You went soooo far away from me,
Yet the endless love for you is still deep within me.
When can I let you go?
My dear one.I'm gonna find a way
to tell you, how much I truly care.
I'm gonna stand onthis mountain top. I'm gonna stand up and shout it out,
I'm gonna scream my love for you.No matter what I do no matter how hard I try, I don't think
nope, I could never stop loving you.

11 Days MOREEEEEEE !!!!

2006-05-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

I think to myself do I love him?
I like the way he talks, the way he walks...
The way he holds my hand...
The way he kisses my face...
The way I feel his warm embrace...
The cute little face he does for me...
The way I do mine for him...
The way he makes sure I am ok and how he goes out of his way...
The way he tells me we are going to be together forever...
Then the way he tells me he loves me...
I then return this with a 'no you don’t
I then thought to myself I don’t like the way he does these things for me...
I love the way he does these things...T
hen the next time he told me he loved me I turned to him, looked him in his eyes and returned those very three words,
I Love you...

12 days to go ...

2006-05-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

My god !!! there are so many people flocking mails to my inbox and asking me whats on 31st May 2006. People you all should have known about this by now.. its in the papers...

Jaanu I miss you every time I close my eyes
My mind turns into night and
My senses dull
Nothing seems as bright and sharp
As it used to be
I remember looking into your eyes and
Thinking that I would never need anything more
Now, the only place I can see you
Is in my memories
I don't think I could feel anything less
Than depressed.

The Importance of Conversation in Marriage

2006-05-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

I was just going through this article on the web tonite.. thought would share it with you all coz i am sure many of the readers who visit my blog are either married or on their way to get married :)

"When a couple reaches the point of not having anything to say to one another, their marriage is in serious trouble. Here are some tips on why conversation in a marriage is so essential, and topics to talk about.
Think back to when the two of you were dating one another. Did you have times when you had nothing to say to one another? Probably not.

Andre Maurois, French novelist and essayist, wrote, "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short."

Most folks don't marry someone they can't talk with. A good conversation is when you are both contributing to the conversation. When you are having a good conversation with your spouse, you are both giving each other your undivided attention.
Conversation fills many needs:
*To be connected to another.
*To have your feelings and thoughts heard and respected.
*To learn new things.
*To sort through issues and problems.
*To discuss and explore solutions.
-To reach an understanding of one another.

What to Talk About:
*Your spouse's hobbies or other interests.
*Plans for a future trip together.
*Memories of your childhood
*Movies or television shows.
*Things you would like to experience or places you would like to visit.
*Something you learned during the day or something you did differently or new that day.
*Discuss your thoughts and feelings about the day.
*Ask some questions that begin with "if you could", or "Have you ever", or "do you believe."

Although the news, weather, kids, jobs, money, household chores, health issues, in-laws, friends, etc. are all important topics that the two of you need to talk about, don't let them be the main focus of your conversations with each other.

13 days to go !!!

2006-05-18T11:15:00.000-07:00

As I stand here waiting for you the rain begins to fall….It came so unexpectedly… And something inside me felt as if I were longing it to come… Over head do the clouds gather and does the wind pick up… And for a moment I have lost myself and my thoughts… All I hear and see are droplets pelting against the road and the homes and cars nearby…The droplets are like fierce tears from above… Tears that are shed for pain and suffering… But also for love and happiness… As the tears fall onto my face they join the ones already there… My tears fall for a reason all its own… For the happiness that has filled me inside for the fact that I have you… For the love that you and I share as one… But for the pain because you have already gone…And yet I still hope that you will turn around that bend in the road and rush up too me screaming" I’M STILL HERE"… I know in my mind that you have been sent to a better place but I can’t stop the feeling of unrest that turns my heart inside out…The pangs that I feel coming from my heart feel as though it would rip it apart and be left in pieces for me to puzzle back together… So as I feel the rain falling tremendously over me I hope that on one of those drops you send a kiss… One last kiss will quiet this uproared heart of mine… One kiss will settle any negative thoughts towards the person who made you leave me so abruptly…So will you send that kiss…. On a drop of rain… To the touch of my lips?

14 more days .........

2006-05-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

My love, sweet love
With you, nothing else matters
You're my heart, and my heart is yours
My love, sweet love
For me, there's no one better
Cross my heart, I could not love you more
And I swear to you, there's no one more important
And I trust you with my lifeSo I pledge my heart to you
'Cause with you, my world Is filled with so much pleasure
When I'm blind, you are my eyes
So I pledge my trust to you
And I swear to you
That I will always love you
And I trust you with my heart
So I pledge my worldI pledge my world, I pledge my world to you

Feeling Weird..

2006-05-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

I am feeling isolated. I want to be isolated from other. I am not in mood to talk to anyone, even I don’t want see anyone. I just want to sit in my dark room and be gloomy. I want to give deep thought about the prank life is playing with me. I simply unable to think anything. I am trying to dissect the reason of sadness. I just want to be myself. I wonder about the way of life. I was at height of happiness in he morning and now I am sitting in the velly of the sorrow. What bothers me? I am asking to my self and I want answer. Where the things go wrong? I seem to have everthing and , then nothing appeals me. I cannot concentrate on my work, neither books give me any relief. I dont want anyone near me. I am just looking up to find the answer. I know this phase soon will pass, bu it will come again someday. In my little life I have been fighting with my innerself fiercely. In every battle I felt doomed but the experience has taught me that everything passes on. Time is the best medicine for everything. I can handle the pressure from outside, when the foe is known and can be seen. But many a times it is hard to find the point of the pain.

My Dream Home !!!

2006-05-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

A girl always dreams of how her home would look like once she gets married. We all have Dreams; yet some of our dreams are never realized.
I have a dream of my own home, all furnished, modular kitchen, matching tiles, luxurious bathroom with mirrors all around, nice dinning, beautiful drawing room, sexy bedroom and one Children’s room (can be useful in future) and a guest room for my parents to stay when they come down.
I am really desperate to make this dream come true. Its not very easy in big cities (India), but one should never loose hopes. I have just started my life, its only two months since I got to know my sweetheart. I have enough time to start working on this.
Though his parents stay in a Rajkot and once i get married i will have to move there. I havent seen how his house looks like but the snaps and the way he describes his home i am sure it matches to what i dream of.. Maybe just a little bit of makeover in our bedroom should be fine with me.

I love whites and blues. I would love to have my curtains in those shades and drapped well. My bed should have lots and lots of cushions around..and so much more.. The lighting in the room should be set according to the mood.. a few lamp shades and nice paintings on the wall.I guess describing the way i would like to have my bedroom would be impossible but to actually work on it and then see how it looks.. mmmmmmm i can alrady visualise it.. :)

Heart Thoughts

2006-05-06T05:20:00.000-07:00

This is a poem that i wrote for my Jaanu !!! Love u lots !!

Sitting here remembering when
I saw the beauty rush out like a might wind
I never saw it before or bothered to notice
But now I see it and on it I am focused.
The gentleness of your voice
The way you make me feel
when I see your lovely smile.
The way you laugh and care for others
Even go beyond the extra mile.
I am focused on that
whether you believe me or not
My heart aches for you
And my stomach is in knots.
Now I had to declare,
The thoughts of my heart.
In hopes that you'd give me,
A place in your heart.

Hope u like it..

Ray of Light

2006-05-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

This was a poem which my sweetheart wrote it for me a few days back. It feels nice to know that someone loves u sooo very much and thinks about you and the feeling of love itself makes " My dil go hmmm " :)

When the world is dark and gloomy,
& nothing is alrite...
There's one thing i count on,
My lovely Ray of Light.
Life may have its ups and downs,
Life may leave me alone to fight...
But i know you will be there,
My lovely Ray of light.
As long as i have your love,
I will carry on,
Will toil & sweat, all day & night,
For my lovely Ray of Light.
I long to hold you in my arms,
Kiss you soft & Hug u tight..
I hope you will be mine forever,
My Lovely Ray of Light.

- for my lovely lovely Kiran.

Thanks Jaanu for the lovely poem...

Its Raining!!

2006-05-02T11:06:00.000-07:00

It rained today!!Yipeee!!! It's raining!!!! Ok, some of you might not believe this, but I completely, totally LOVE rain. I mean really I love how it falls, how it smells, how it sounds mixed together with thunder. I just seem to love everything about it. In the summer one of my favorite things to do is well, you are not going to believe this, but it to DANCE IN THE RAIN. Ok, even I have to admit that sounds a little weird, but it's just this great feeling I get inside when it rains, or when I'm driving in the rain. Maybe it's becasue I'm an Arian I'm more attracted to rain than other people. Well, anyways when I am driving in the rain, I feel like I"m a mermaid, I learned to swim when I was 6 years old. I almost drowned though, I just threw myself in the pool, and my father taught me how to swim. When I was little even sometimes now, my mother call me "Her Little Mermaid" and somehow I just love it when she calls me that. One time, I dreamnt about being a mermaid. You know how sometime people believe they are connected to a magical creature in some way, well I think I am connected to a mermaid, I might not be as graceful in the water as one, but I LOVE the water. Before I was even born, my mom went to an island just of the coast of India, and swam there, I guess I was about a 6 month old in my mom's belly, but I think that was the first time I was connected with water. When you die, supposedly you become what you have wanted to be all your life, I know in some hidden space in my heart, that when I die I will become a mermaid. Mermaids in a way are one of the most believeable creatures in the world because they have actually found the body of a mermaid. WEll, it's still raining, today I didn't dance in the rain, because I am busy andmissing my love too much. Well, I guess I should again go find something useful to do.

Weakness !!

2006-04-09T06:20:00.000-07:00

I am weak sometimes.
I know I am worrying too much.I don’t want to see anyone suffering.
Particularly, someone I love.
I am trying to be happy in front of you because I know you need it.
I am weak sometimes you know but I am trying to be strong.
I have too many responsibilities.
I know I am carrying this world on my shoulders.I wish I were an Oasis that everyone who was lost in the desert could rest and find peace.
I am weak sometimes you know but I am trying to hold my tears.
I am scared of the unknown future sometimes.
But I am telling myself that life loves me.Every time I hit the bottom, I will bounce back.
I will become stronger and stand up taller.
I am weak sometimes you know but I am still smiling at you.
I loathe when I have to say goodbye.
But we all have our own responsibilities.We have to pursue our dreams.
Still, I know I will always miss you.
I am weak sometimes you know but I will remember you.
You have put your footprints deep in my heart.
Your love and dedication are inscribed into my soul.
Wherever the destiny will take us, I will be thinking of you.
I will always cherish the good things you have brought into my life.
I am weak sometimes you know but I am still praying for you.
I am praying for your safe journey and wonderful life.
I am wishing the best thing for you, even though I will not be there to admire it with you.
I will be watching you from my heart and deep imagination.
I will ask the wind to protect you from any harm.
I am weak sometimes you know but I will never give up.I will let this fate unfold.I will wait until the mist disappears.
I believe I will know the reasons.
Of this sadness and I will grow.

Another Year Goes By .............

2006-04-01T22:58:00.000-08:00

Another year goes by..Time flies. It is another year and another of my birthday. Fortunately, at least years after years, I have seen some changes in me. That means I am not getting old and getting worse or stupider.
The past year was pretty rough. It was rough with a lot of challenges. I don’t call them problems because the word problem make my mind clouded but challenge is something I have to get through with determination and it will bring joys when I overcome it.
Storms after storms come and go. Storms leave wreckages behind. They might pass across our life and take all what we own, but they cannot take our spirit. What we have lost, we can build it up again. We can make it stronger and better.
2005 was all about confusions under all the unexpected situations that emerged simultaneously. Some situations I could control but some were beyond my power. Vulnerable as it was, I allowed myself plunge into troubles without thinking and self-control. The worst thing was I was over-reacted to some situations.
However, 2005 was the year that I did realize a lot of things about myself because I became closer to my spirituality. It was the year that I started to do something I always wanted to do that was to volunteer with one of the Spastic Societies in Bangalore, it was the first year that I really lived in Bangalore City after my one year long relationship came to a halt.There are always people come and go in my life. From a very small group of people I knew in 2004, it turned out in 2005 I had made a lot of great friends but I had left some of my old friends as well. Sometimes, some people just come into our life unexpectedly and it turns out to be very beautiful. Sometimes some people walk out of our life and we just have to let them go.
My number is moving up another year. I have volunteered for the Meals on Wheels for the past 6 months. I have met a lot of elderly and lately I feel like I am going to reach that point one day. Of course, I will be a happy old lady. However, it just makes me pause and questions about myself. How many years will I have to enjoy my youth? How many days will I have to see this world?
Therefore, with all miseries I have had from last year either from my own creation or other’s, this year I make up my mind to enjoy my life to the fullest. The time is running out fast. There are no reasons to be unhappy and worried too much.
Growing is the process of life. I will not let any years go by and any challenges pass by without cultivating the virtue of them.
There are always some beauties in any wreckage. There are beautiful flowers hiding in the dirty mud. There are millions of stars glowing in the darkest sky. There are opportunities in crises.
It depends on how we look at it.
My first 24 has come. Now I am feeling even more youthful and energetic. I heard someone said life starts at 24.
But age is an illusion anyway; the way we perceive our life is ageless.
Happy Birthday To You Kiran !!!

Reliance Web World Runs Out !!

2006-04-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

Can you imagine going to a MacDonald’s and being told they had run out of burgers? Reliance, however, has run out of data cables! And not one outlet, but everyone of them in the whole of Bangalore. Armed with all my documents I went over to the gallery on the weekend, having decided to go ahead with Reliance. My choices fast running out. Anyway, the guy very disinterestedly tells me they had run out of data cables. They were expected in a few days. No attempt to take my number so they could inform me (I guess th at would be way too much to expect).
You mean, all the Reliances have run out of data cables, I asked a little sarcastically? It missed him completely. Yes, he replied and turned away to do something else. I called yesterday to get an update and was told by them that it is now ‘indefinitely’ out of stock! I think this is a higher force telling me, ‘Don’t take Reliance!’

Random !!!!

2006-03-22T09:44:00.000-08:00

Before you start scratching your head..... I hate giving titles to my posts....especially ones that are completely random....and so the 'random' title.
Last few days have been exceptionally frustrating for me.........whatever I do in my project...something or the other goes wrong..... I hate implementing rules...I hate fake programs...and I absolutely fucking hate fake errors in programs written by someone else.......urgggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!! And to top it all.. My Boss sitting on my head.... asking me the same question again and again.. its so irritating.. what do u think Mr Boss i am doing in this office ?? Hatching eggs?? No Na..

The above mentioned events coupled with wretched weather...could not have made me feel more "down and out". And probably thats why there has been no movement on any of my blogs...cos i write only when I am in a good mood....not that I am in one right now, but today since, something has worked and hopefully my guide has understood all the problems associated, (wouldnt highlight them here cos noone would understand...) and probably now there is at least something to show for in the coming GE meet
Anyway, so long....that was all that I could update from my side....one moe update is I got the GE Project... People who arRandome close to me only know about it.. and i am happy that i finally got it after keeping my as on fire for so many weeks..

Cheers ;-)

Monday Morning Blues @#$@#%@#

2006-03-20T09:13:00.000-08:00

I could honestly say that I have had better mornings. This morning did not start out well at all. I hate these kinds of days… when I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and underapperciated all before the 11 ‘o’ clock hour. Honestly people… cut me some slack. I am only one person often singe-handedly trying to hold down a busy office.
So far this morning… three (three!) people have insulted my intelligence, one of which was my boss. I have had to deal with far to many ignorant people before the clock rolled into double digits. I have already managed to double book my weekend. No one I need to get a hold of to do my work is returning my calls. I have a ton of work to accomplish to compensate for my day off next month where I will be engaged in my favorite acitivity of all time… sitting and preparing for my MBA exams. I had no time to eat breakfast or pack a lunch. I am freezing my ass off. Oh, the list could go on and on if I let it.
The temperature just shooting up

Femina Miss India 2006 !!

2006-03-18T09:08:00.000-08:00

Excepted the results to be fair this year but guess some beauties dont have brains always.
Results of Femina Miss India 2006 this yr was a disaster. Thought Aarohi ( my neighbour)

would come atleast in the top 3 but she couldnt make it.

RESULTS:

Neha Kapur wins Miss India Universe 2006!

Natasha Suri wins Miss India World 2006!

Amruta Patki wins Miss India Earth 2006!

My next phone!!

2006-03-17T09:03:00.000-08:00

My next phone in line. Have got bored with the samsung D600.
Tell me if you guys like it :)
Specifications:

check out the flash presentation for this cellphone..its cool... i am dying to hold this in my hand... http://www.seeo2.com/product/XphoneII/template/XphoneIIProduct
Info.vm

Try This~~The Latest Craze

2006-03-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

My usual daily routine is to try and sit down each night and read the paper I get delivered. I'm not much of a crossword person, so I normally skip the puzzles page. Then I noticed all this talk of the Sudoku "craze" that was "sweeping the nation". It's only recently that I started actually playing it and found myself literally swept away with it.
Here a puzzle for you guys. Give me a solution or this and i would give u a gift, anywhere in the world you guys are you would get the gift. And i am SERIOUS HAAN :)

Whoever gives me the answer first in the comments will get the gift. Sounds crazy guys but lets just try..

A Perfect Day !!!

2006-03-13T08:51:00.000-08:00

Today was a perfect day. Started a week with a nice monday and hope the same continues in the weekdays to go ahead. Had lots of work in offfice today but dint do anything much as boss was not around :) . but in the evening his one call blew my mind off, but as he says always when a boss scolds his collegue for the first time , the next time on the same day he should speak casually and sweetly with the collegue and express that you do care for him/her.
My dad too follows the same thought and i was happy about it.
I am feeling very sleepy today but dont feel like sleeping and wasting time. I had a nice casual chat with my friend after almost a week. Earlier i used to chat with this friend over the phone almost everyday but after one incident i felt i was giving this friend of mine too much importance and let this friend also realise my value :)
Anyways updating my blog and trying to make it more colorful and different.. catch u guys later.. c yaa

Do You Hate Forwards ?

2006-03-12T09:30:00.000-08:00

This world is much better without them . I know i sound like a rude person, but its the fact people. Ofcourse with every email site offering 1 GB space, it doesnt really mind ya as far as the space is concerned, but god, all these forwards are sooooooo crazy at times.

Most of them are are friendship thing. Now look, the usual one's are like a plagiarised poem, with every line rhyming, and words often repeated, quite mediocre i know. i mean do u really need that to prove that u r someone's pal. and the really weird thing is that catch of these mails has stuff like u r my dearest most precious friend, now what i wanna know is, how can a person have 200 dearest and most precious pals,. going by the number of ppl a mail is being sent to.But thats not the last of it. In the end it says u need to send it to so and so many people or u r love life/gay life/married life/whatever might get ruined.

I mean PEOPLE!!!!! WAKE UP!!!! If people actually got dumped , divorced, heartbroken etc coz they didnt forward a lousy forwarded messge, man this world would be in ruins; wouldnt it? And yes ofcourse There are the pity mails. I agree that some of them are genuine, but 99.9% are just so full of crap.

Type 1: Hello ****** My name is ******, i am 7 years old. i lost my teddy. please pass this on to your friends, and for every forward i'll get a cent to buy a new one.

Type 2: Hello, while i was in IRAQ, my shop was blasted by bush, and now i am jobless, also the americans are mean. plz send this mail to 10000000 others so that i will receive 1 iraqi what's-their-currency-again? for every forward.

Type 3: I was driving, i was drunk, and i was horny. my gf got out of control, and started actin all dirty. i lost hold of the wheel.Now i just have one nose and 3.5 teeth left. plz send me some dollars.

This list is endless. you get the idea. why do people do this, why send forwards at all? Oh yes...then there are those so called "cute forwards", Ya know the ones with huge stuffed animals and babies showin ya the middle finger, that makes ya go like, "awwwwww cho chweet" and crap. People actually like to have their mailbox filled with crap like that. I mean if you really like stuffed stuff so much, why not log onto a similar website, or sit at the archies gallery all day. you can imagine why i wrote this post. i just received like 25 forwards in one day . these were my views. I know i too send forwards but not the types mentioned above.

Moral of the Story...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain: "When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do -- you forward jokes. When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes. When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes."
And to let you know that: you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get? A forwarded joke from me. So my friend, next time if you get a joke, don't think that I have sent you just a joke, but that I have thought of you today and wanted to send you a smile.

12th March 2006

2006-03-12T09:12:00.000-08:00

Went out with a few friends today evening. I was just wondering today as to why do i always choose to go to either The Forum or The Garuda Mall to catch up with my friends.
Actually i cant think of any other place to meet up my friends. Most of them are outstation people and these shopping malls are the only happening places for a crowd like mine to meet up at.
I remember the days when The Forum was opended initially. I was in Accenture at that time. I used to be at the Forum almost every weekend. It seemed to me at times as if i used to go there to put attendance :)
Now since i have moved out of Koramangala and moved to Indiranagar, The Garuda Mall is closer to my home now and i love the Cafe Coffee Day here.
Given above is the snap of The Garuda Mall and the next snap is The Forum .

11th March 2006

2006-03-11T09:14:00.000-08:00

I have been out of my mind for the past 2 days. Have been recieving some kinda blank calls and junk calls from 3 numbers.Thought of getting them blocked but my phone service provider doesnt have the option of blocking the numbers!! i yelled at the customer care fellow and hung up.
It is always irritating when getting calls from unknown persons. It spoils the mood. Thats why I switch off my mobile during Office hours and put it in silent mode at night. I dont know why the person at the other end made a call, when they are silent while I am repeating the word "hello". Writing about phone calls, I remember one incident. I was sleeping and it was around 12.30 midnight. I got a call, I said hello and no response from other side. I just shouted at him saying " bastard , are you so bloddy jobless, I will file a F.I.R against you". After some time, I felt a lot for using the word "bastard"(I have learnt this word from Bangalore people). If they are not having to courage to speak, then why those idiots are make phone calls?

Was out today with my team for bowling!! was fun. Planning to go next month to goa with my office collegues for 4 days. Hope it works out great!! have never been to goa, want to go once.

Snap of the Day !! 10 March 2006

2006-03-10T10:42:00.000-08:00

Just wondering... I have almost told about 9 people that in the next 24 days i will be 24 yrs OLD!! GOSH ... i am going to 24 this yr.. already feeling like a 42 yr old lady.
Anyways snap of the day !! Never seen MG road so empty in the wee hours.

Snap for the day !!! 9th March 2006

2006-03-09T10:08:00.000-08:00

Somethings in life make you realise that you are special
"Those little nimble musicians of the air, that warble forth their curious ditties, with which nature hath furnished them to the shame of art. ~Izaak Walton"

Snap for the day !! 8th March 2006

2006-03-08T03:41:00.000-08:00

My long lost hobby of photography will come back to life again.
Yes !! i have decided that everyday i will put up one snap on the blog taken by me.
Some moments to be captured which would remain here in this blog always.
By the way another news for you people !!!
Coming up soon www.kiranmayi.com
About this cute puppy:
His name is whisky :) found him near my home roaming around :)
Had been for a morning walk and saw him in the garden. Well i am not a very big fan of pets but i somehow really loved this pup.

2006-03-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

Todays discussion was not as stimulating as can be, one of the major reasons being that we cud talk abt it for only 15 mins.

Finally after a long time I had a chance to discuss philosophy today with a bunch of folks. I used to do this quiet often when I was in Roorkee. But in bangalore, there's only friend I have with whom i could hold such a conversation. So am kinda rusty in that dept now.

We had started talking abt whether a person is product of his environment or does his basic nature also have a role to play. And as happens in such discussions, we kept jumping between topics and finally ended up discussing something as vague as the meaning of Instinct! :)

I believe that you cant brand a person to be a product of any one individual thing. Its a mix of a lot of things. Including the environment hes brot up in and his basic nature & values (values can again get hugely influenced by the environment). So what I am saying is that theres tight coupling between the two, and you cant just view it as a disjoint relationship.

Otherwise how else can you explain situations where 2 ppl brought up in very similar environments, react very very differently to different situations.

When I thought abt bloggin on this, I had so many ideas floating in my head... But now nothing coming into my mind. :(

Hope my brain cells r set in motion again seeing someone else's views on this...

Fridays !!!!

2006-03-03T08:44:00.000-08:00

When I woke up this morning (it is Friday for the sake of God!), the world did not make sense to me, the same way it does not makes sense to me every weekday morning. Mondays are the worst, however. I wake up with the worst case of Monday morning blues ever recorded in the history of mankind. I get to work with the most disgruntled feeling. As the day wears on, the blues start to disappear and by 3 pm I start looking forward to Friday again.
Fridays are happy days. They are days meant for wrapping work up early, days meant for doing your thing. Put differently, they are days meant for living whatever pathetic little excuse we have for a life. Now I am not the partying kind. Officially because I don't like the noise and the hustle-bustle. Honestly because no one ever invites me to those cool parties. Either way, I do not know what a hangover feels like because I have never had one.
Thus my Saturday mornings start reasonably early and are meant to take care of the routine things like payment of bills, visit to the bank, and other mundane things that we regularly have to do to prevent our lives from becoming a living hell. Come Sunday and from about 6 pm onwards depression starts to set in, the intensity of which goes up and up till I hit the sack.
Anyway, these three paragraphs above can easily be skipped for they convey nothing that anyone with a head on their shoulders would not know or would want to be told. All except the first six words 'When I woke up this afternoon' because after my head had cleared up sufficiently enough for me to identify promos of those shows on television that I really really really hate, I wondered why I had not ever spewed my venom.
As soon as the thought flashed, the answer came too. As they say in showbiz, no publicity is bad publicity. Why should the shows I really really really hate have another platform where they are being talked about? But that does not mean I should not talk about them. I need to. I read this in someone's mail's signature line, 'If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?'. I have absolutely no idea what it means (come on, can anyone understand it?) but this seemed like a pretty good place to use it.
Sadly, it still does not settle the matter. That brings up another point. When sayings, proverbs, idioms, similies, metaphors, oxymorons, etc. fail to settle the matter should they be stripped off their status? And if they are stripped off their status should those painfully inane shows be pulled off the air too? And if they were pulled off the air then how would I have made my 100th post on this blog?
Damn, I almost wrote that in the same style as that thing I read in someone's signature. Is this a sign?

Broken Hearts

2006-03-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

GOd!!!really tired of myself and my bloody emotions. Feeling quiet upset again today. My emotions r either hitting a super high or all time low; With the all time low being re-defined every time. I really think I should go see a shrink, so that s/he can throw me in an asylum n lock me up.

Sometimes, I wonder if I can ever forget ...? I keep thinking back, the 1.5 yrs we spent together. And at the end, got dumped so awfully. And that with the comment: You are too nice a person for me...

Do you know anyone whose been dumped 'cuz he was too nice? Till now I never thot there could be a "too nice". If I am really that nice a person, why arent good things happening to me? Or has the almighty also convinientlt forgotten abt me?

Is it really possible to stop loving a person? Ever?

I was reading a blog and how some friend of Dawn's is depressed and is talking abt Suicide. Just reminds me of the time when I was going through a patch like that. I was totally sloshed after an office party where I missed him. That night was the one and only time I ever thot of suicide. A lot of ppl will term it as being a loser. To those folks: U should thank the god that u guys dont know how it is like. Trust me, I used to think like that myself. But after having gone through it, I can tell u its not something that one does by choice...

Why does he exist...

2006-03-01T11:04:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I helped an old woman cross the road. And, though I did have that glow of 'doing your good deed for the day' for a while it quickly faded and I was overcome by a different kind of emotion.
Why do people have to grow old? Why can't they just decide to die someday without going through the misery of old age? Is old age life's way of handing back to us what we gave others during those moments of youthful indiscretion?
Every once in a while when I decide to do the grocery, I see old couples walking down the street carrying a few bags in their old wrinkled hands that contain the provisions that would get them through the week. Their children are probably sitting comfortably in their plush apartments somewhere in New York or Melbourne oblivious to what their parents have to go through just to make sure that food gets to their table.
Is it what I will go through once I get... I can't even get myself to say the 'O-L-D' word. It is too scary a thought that someday it will be my turn. I will be that man who has to walk the road everyday to buy provisions because he is too weak to carry a month's supply. Someday it will be I who has to seek help to cross the road. Someday these legs would be too old to walk a mile and the hands too old to hold a cup of tea. Someday I would die. That would be deliverance. But, why do I have to go through suffering before that?
I do not believe in the doctrine of karma that says people only get what they deserve. What is the fault of an infant born into a family so poor and undernourished that his mother is not strong enough to be able to breast feed him? However bad his karma might have been does it really justify his not getting food, the basic right of every animal on this planet?
May be it is not. May be it is just God's way of pleasing his sick ego that he is all pervading and powerful. May be that is how he gets his kicks by playing with us. May be God himself is not so perfect after all. May be all the praises that we sing for him are overrated. May be he is the devil's alter ego. Who knows?
But, what I do know for certain is that a person so infinitely capable of compassion as he is made out to be is not capable of causing hurt and sufferring. So, may be I am right. He is, for all that he wants us to think, just a slob like one of us. Or may be he is us. All of us, manifested into one supreme being having great power and, along with it, great chances of abusing that power.
That hurts. We all know that evil is supposed to do, well, evil. But is God not supposed to thwart all its schemes? Is that not the very purpose of his being? Then why is he not fulfilling that purpose? Perhaps he is just a conniving heartless soul. If all people were happy and content, would he not be out of business? Then how does he differ from Microsoft?
The truth is, he doesn't.

2006-02-27T18:25:00.000-08:00

So finally, the most awaited (not really) Bird Flu reached India!
India's first bird flu cases have been reported in Nandurbar and Dhule district in Maharashtra on Saturday. Yet, cases of Bird Flu have only been reported in Maharashtra and Gujarat states (its good that im far away from them, and it will take some time to reach here!!)
200,000 chickens have been culled so far and 50,000 died of their own, they suspect that the deadly bird flu virus, known as H5N1 virus have evaded India by the immigrating birds from far eastern countries!

Anyway till it is sorted out, keep away from Tandoori Chicken...

Back with a Bang !!!!!

2006-01-12T21:19:00.000-08:00

When you have not made a post for as long as I have it kind of becomes difficult to start again. Not because you don't get ideas. Paucity of them has never been a hurdle - I write crap anyway.
Since I am making a reappearance, I have to make sweeping statements. The buzzword in the Indian Economy has been privatisation for a long time now. It is disturbing to note that the concept has made its way into the arena of blogger.com, too. It is a trend which has to be done away with, and I am not talking of the Economy.
Over the last few months I realised that the Indian Economy is booming, and that is despite the best efforts of the government. Alas, the same is not true of blogs. Come to think of it, nothing much is true of blogs, not even the content in them. So, I guess one must not care too hoots for some loser's ramblings that were made on a Saturday night just because he/she was not able to get a date.
But, it does make you wonder about the psycology behind the whole thing. Is this a vindication of my theory of reverse vanity? The theory states: Reverse vanity is a state of being in which people become so full of themselves that they consider even a cursory glance of a lesser being (read the rest of the world) derogatory to their existence, so much so that they decide to vanish from the pubic eye.
It is not so much of a mental condition as it is a condional mentality. People afflicted with it are known to make general sweeping statements and being self-righteous. The occurence of the condtion is not known to the junta outside the realms of the fullhyd bloggers because I did not deem them fit enough for it. So, celebrate you all - at least someone appreciates your lowly existence!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL Y GUYS OUT THERE> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds Crazy - But true !!

2005-11-16T04:09:00.000-08:00

There was never a moment when he thought so much. He always used to trust his instincts more than anything else.

But now he is always finds himself contemplating. About what?

That, even he doesnt know.

He dreams of making it big. But, What is it? He has seen far too many people, and very different people.

He never believed in it. But, What is it?

He never made any promises ever, but he had let his ownself down once.

That once isnt even past tense, because it just happened in the previous month.

He wants to stand on the top of a mountain. He wants to smoke weed over there. He will do that when he reaches there.

Why does he carry his heart on his sleeve? When will he find his true soul?

2005-11-13T23:59:00.000-08:00

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry?
When we imagine? When we kiss?
This is because the most beautiful things in the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,
people we never want to leave behind,
but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,
it's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched their lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for him,
it's when he ignores you and still you long for him.
It's when he begins to love another and yet you still smile and say I'm happy for you.
If love fails, set yourself free,
let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies,
you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back up when they fall.

Somehow along the course of life,
you learn about yourself and realize there should never be regrets,
only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
waits forever when you say, just a minute,
stays when you say leave me alone,
opens the door even before you knock and says can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,
not how you listen but how you understand,
not what you see but how you feel,
and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.
Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win
but when love is true, even if you lose,
you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone
not because that person has stopped loving us
but because we have found out that they'd be happier if we let go.

It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's available.
Best to wait for the one you love than one who is around.
Best to wait for the right one
because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who hurts you the most,
and sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms and cries when you cry turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.

If you really love someone never let go,
don't believe that letting go means that you love best,
instead fight for your love,
that's what true love is.

Laugh to your heart's content; you cannot go through life without it.

No Harm Trying

2005-11-10T01:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday evening after getting back i gave it a thought.

Wanted to do something different. Thought of making a quilt for myself. Was hectic. Maddning.

Three old bed-sheets, some bright coloured block-printed dupattas, a large needle,a cotton reel and a bit of nostalgia.I do not have a clue about quilt-making.Another attempt at stopping this bundle of fading memories from becoming history.

Finally i GAVE UP !!!!

2005-11-08T03:50:00.000-08:00

A childhood filled with memories of friends and guests from all religions. Looks like this is the only way authors choose to prove that the child had a secular upbringing. From lessons on Gandhiji and Nehru in school to this book called "Life of Pi".

Frankly, does it prove anything? Maybe Gandhiji and Nehru were indeed secular. I dont know. But there sure must be better ways to prove that. Isn't it a more complicated and subtle feeling?

Also, it is cool to call yourself "secular" without even caring to check with yourself. TOI, HT, DH and mostly all non-vernac newspapers proudly call themselves "secular". Bah! Probably if you define secularism as anti-Hinduism!! I remember during the Godhra carnage and post-Godhra riots, most newspapers convniently forgot all about the GodhraTa incident itself, which initiated the carnage. Do flip back the pages of history to see how horrid the whole incident was. Turning blind towards the suffering of Hindus (or any other community) and trivializing it, is probably the most absurd attempt at secularism.

The word "secularism" is so abused, that secularism is probably dead by now.

FoodBUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

2005-11-08T03:48:00.000-08:00

Suno suno suno, Bangalore mein reh kar bhooki marne waale Northy food loving punter-log suno. Here's a super yummy and super easy option to get delicious parathas/chole/rajma and much more, right at your desk. FOODBUZZ has come up with a refreshing change from the same old boring office food, and that too just a click away. Tada!.
All you have to do is, visit their simple website, quickly make your choice and the food will be delivered at your place. It also offers you tips like the no. of parathas per meal, suitable/not suitable for calorie-conscious ppl etc. On the flip side, the choices are limited, its a tad bit expensive and that you have to wait for 30-40 minutes for the delivery.
Also right now, they offer their services only in C V Raman Nagar, Jeevan Beema Nagar, Indira Nagar.
Foodbuzz, is a good option, especially on rainy days when you want something good to eat and dont want to get drenched.

Status

2005-10-17T03:23:00.000-07:00

How many times do people jabber about the different things a man could do... a man cud be... and a man is... What a person is largely determined by what others think he is. This is a totally faulty state of affairs that is existing. This in turn curbs the natural calling of a being. It becomes almost impossible for him to get out of the faulty state, due to social stigma. And even if he does get out, how long is he gonna continue like that?

U know wat a friend means

2005-10-05T05:07:00.000-07:00

This is something i found in one of the articles my friend had sent to me.
Found it really appropriate and thought of sharing it with u guys.
*"True friends" who know everything about you, who you talk to regularly, and who you could say absolutely anything to (the test: get arrested and see if they bail you out of jail).
*"Good friends" who you spend a lot of time with, you could talk to if you had problems (the test: avoid them for a week, and see if they seek you out).
*"Shopping Mall Buddies" who are a blast to be around, but you would likely not ask them to help you paint a barn if the situation came up (the test: you hang out with them, but they cringe or avoid talking about serious topics with you).
*"Friendly Acquaintances" who you talk to if you run into them, but don't do much outside of your usual sphere of connectivity (the test: You stop to chat and you're genuinely interested in them, but plans just never seem to materialise when you're together).
*"Byte-Sized Acquaintances" who you say hi to when you walk by but not much else (the test: they know your name, but not both your phone number and address).
Tell me guys is this correct or not.

Dear Diary

2005-10-05T05:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary

Something good happened today
He finally called me by my name
I didn't know how to behave
What to say or do
I was so confused

Dear diary
I wanna talk to him again
But whenever he is with his friends
He keeps trying to pretend
But i already see
The way he feels for me

What can i do?
Tell me what can i say
When do i let him know i feel
the same way
How can my feelings be so hard to show
When i really want him to know

Dear diary
He wrote some letters on his hand
It wasn't hard to understand
I figured i'm part of his plans
But now i'm in his heart
I don't know where to start

You're my hiding place
Where my private thoughts are safe
And just one look and he will see
What's inside of me

My first drink

2005-10-03T03:11:00.000-07:00

well as the heading suggests......
i had my first drink on 1st october. my friend Naresh gave his b'day party in Spinz... i wanted to be him that day coz that was my last night out.. no more night parties again....
Wanted to do something really whacky tat day.. so thought of trying beer... first i had a small sip of Barcardi Rum on the rocks.. it was chill.. but as it went into my throat.. it was extremely warm....and EEEKS>>>>>>>SOUR........
then later had 2 small sips of beer... i wonder how guys can have hard drinks like this. so " Kadwa"
but had really lots of fun........ DANCED and danced a lot for 2 hrs..... and beer... and finally got to see him...though didnt spend time with him......

Confused ~~~

2005-09-29T04:17:00.000-07:00

Do I love you, or do I not..?
I've asked myself this question a lot.
Will there be a future for you and me..?
Or are we just not meant to be..?
Did I date you because I didn't know how to say no..?
I guess in the end,
the answer will show.
I don't know if being with you is wrong or right.
But I'm trying to accept you with all my might.
You treat me so well, yet I have so many doubts.
Wish someone could tell me what it's all about.
I still don't know what I should do,Or if I'm really in love with you . . .

will be back soon !!!

2005-09-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

hi guys thanks a lot for ur concerns ..
it really shows that there r ppl who still care about me for he person i am.
well just kinda busy with a couple of things... will get back to my blog soon.
Lots of changes happenieng in life. Cant tell u guysnow but promise will do so.
Take care all.

will be out for a while

2005-08-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

i will be out for a while. not in a mood to blog anything coz of the things going around me.. takecare guys will be back soon

2005-08-20T09:24:00.000-07:00

i feel so miserable right now that i feel like commiting suicide and i wish i could do that....but cant leave my parents alone...i just dont know wat to do..
i just know nothing ...................know nothing .......nothing at all.....

And I'm Off...

2005-08-18T19:54:00.000-07:00

Last Day at Accenture today...1 yr and 1 month...to hopefully quit my job. Wish me luck and I hope I don't cry too much- I tend to be a wimp and I feel like I am disappointing people and not following through with a commitment I made and just a ton of other issues. GRRRROWL
well this was my farewell mail to my friends and collegues:

Hi All,
I am sure you all must be surprised to see my mail in your inbox.

Well, this mail is regarding my farewell to you all. Today would be my last working day at Accenture.
I personally wanted to thank you all for being there for me and helping out with problems related to work or personal. It was wonderful knowing you knowing you all in this journey of 1 yr and 1 month at Accenture. Learnt a lot from you all in this duration and would carry forward all the learnings throughout my life.

Once again a sincere thanks to all of you and I wont be available anymore on my accenture.com email id. For further communications please feel free to

Mail me : kiranmayi.vr@gmail.com
IM me : kiranmayi_vr@yahoo.com

Thanks and Regards,

Kiranmayi V R
www.kiranmayi-reddy.tk
Accenture , Bangalore

will miss u the ones close to my heart ...

Mystery @ home or its in my mind

2005-08-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

I wonder if anything crazy and unusual is going on in the sky? Like, what's it like to be an astronaut in a well-built space ship? Ah, it must be the coolest thing in the world to enter the atmosphere at high speeds in a well-designed machine...
Well dont worry i didnt see a UFO in the sky or a ghost at my home. Was just kinda feeling to all weird about myself,was thinking wat an emotional fool am i. Y do i get attached to ppl so easily even after knowing the fact that there is no one for u in this world right now except ur parents and once they r not there u r all alone in this world. Ur parents who have given birth to u , who have taught u how to walk, those first few entangled steps. Clean ur bruises when u fall. They wait for u to say those first words" ma" or "papa". Take to the school on ur first day and tell u "this is the first step for u to face the world" . Help u in doing ur home work, whack u for not getting good scores. PTA's , Annual school functions, College, Teachers, Professors, Grades, Professional courses-- at the end they want u to see well settled in life, so that they can leave this world in peace with the assurance that " Yes our child is independent now and knows the world and can take care of herself in this cruel world where emotions dont have any value"
Awesome, ain't it but true.
Throughout my life, being the only child have been pampered and protected a lot. Everytime anything goes wrong, i know mom and dad are there for me. Its not only me alone who goes through all this but a middle class average child go's through the same thing.
Being an army officers child i have always travelled throughout my life, went to so many schools, met so many ppl. In school i never had any good friends, coz i was a bit reserved and a shy girl in those days and by the time i used to make some good friends it used to be time to leave the city and go to a new place. Made some friends in mysore where i lived for 5 yrs but now everyone is busy in their own world, not in touch with many ppl now.
Joined JNC in Bangalore, sick college..trust me, the day i joined the place i wanted to leave it. Entire life i have studied in a co-ed school or college and now all of a sudden join a college which has got only girls.. man its a college life that i going through and the sadest paet was all the girls in my class were all aunty type... lol.. so serious or so damn homely... not my kind i guess, those who know me well will know wat my kind is .. lol..
Started working soon after graduating, the independence that u get once u start working is in total an absolutely different feeling. More friends, freaking out more, shopping, partying, jokes and so on... though i dont party much but love to go around with friends and lots of shopping.
Had worked with DELL and now with Accenture. 19th is my last day at work in Accenture.
Havent planned anything wat i would be doing next. Have MBA going on in mind and maybe a new job too. . i dont know. just want to be out of everything for a while and sit at home i guess..
But finally in the end, i have to be with my parents. Yesterday mom got a bit senti over the phone with me while i was speaking to her. My parents are out of town. I wondered wat would be their life once i get married and leave my home. I know they would miss me a lot and i would do the same.
This one's for u mom and dad..
You were always there
to help me
You were always there
to guide me
You were always there
to laugh with me
You were always there
to cry with me
But most important
you were always there
to love me
and I want to assure you that
I am always here
to love you

Long time no bloggin ``

2005-08-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

Had been out from bloggin since 10th august..Was Dj's brother's wedding on 11th and 12th, was on leave since 11th august.. enjoyed the wedding. Tripti, abu and myself went for the wedding. Dj and his family loved the gift that we gave the couple.
Wasnt well on 12th.. was at home... 13th and 14th was out shopping with friends family and came to know new things about changes that might happen in my life.. cant tell u guys anything now but soon will let u all know about it.
15th august was Independence day so Holiday...
One of our close family friends in hyd got shot by naxalites. he was an MLA . Mom and dad have left for hyderabad today morning for the funeral.. might get back in a day or two.
Wat else... the previous post that i put in today were the ones i wrote during these 5 days, just didnt have time to post them here.... nothing much from my end.. so far the day is going on fine. lets c wats new for the day down the lane.. take care guys..

My Simple Rules

2005-08-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

Being me. How?

* Love your parents, theyre the most perfect human being on earth.
* Your brothers are youre heroes, they'll kill your ex's if you want them too.
* Don't make friends with girls, theyre just emotionals and stupid.
* Guy friends are cool and they will help you no matter what. Y? u know it better.
* Don't wear coloured contact lenses.
* Don't try to dress like anyone else you know, like they're your bestfriends or something.
* Never ever ever ever buys imitation. Bags especially. Pirated dvd's or games are exceptable. Putting imitations on your skins

will just ruined your whole image.
* Don't sing in the car if you don't know them well. You will sound and look stupid.
* Never wear or borrow someone else's clothes and be proud wearing them. Thats just aren't cool.
* Shut your mouth up when you dont understand what people's saying. Don't jump into that conversation and appear, you

know brain-less.
* Remember, by studying or reading each day will make you smarter in any ways.
* Talk to people and always mix around. Staying in one group and feel proud of it will bring you to the no-where-land. Been

there?
* Don't buy stuff that youre not gona wear or use. Waste money.
* Don't always think youre perfect cause youre not.
* Flirt with whoever you want, date as many. Stop when you found the right one. It feels really good.
* Never be proud of your parents or brother's money. They might be rich, but you have nothing.
* Education is really important.
* Never talk to your boyfriend about your ex's. Everyone is a different series, theres no need to compare. I just never learn!
* Buy a car if you hates borrowing others. Maybe, thats about pride. Or just being egotistical.
* Your ex's doen't matter to you anymore. But your boyfriend ex's. Yes, they matters. And remember, youre always better,

smarter, and prettier than them!
* Cry if you want to. No point trying to act tough when you're not
* Missing someone all the time and makes you sad is normal. Being sad and not knowing why is just freaking scary.
* Don't buy cheap clothes.
* Always appear elegant. Even socks matters.
* Don't talk too much when you dont know what youre saying. stop before you say something irrelevent.

Hmm, lucky I managed to stop there. Was going to start talking dumb like cook when youre hungry or sleep when you're

sleepy.

Perhaps, I look too high on my self. Or maybe, I think everyone should live like me. The truth is, nobody should live like

anybody else. They should live like themselves. Thats how it will work. And always happy with what you have.

Did I mention that not to go out with Mallu guys? Erm.. better listen to me.
(Dont listen to me!)

What Age Will You Die?

2005-08-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

You Will Die at Age 70

70

You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...

And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

Everyday Life

2005-08-09T22:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are and who you want to become.
You never know who these people might be: your neighbor, child, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock your eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you and at the time they seem painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential strength, willpower, or heart. Everything happens for a reason.

Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whether they be events, illness or relationships, life would be a smooth paved straight road to nowhere, safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience create who you are, and even the bad experiences can be learned from, in fact they are probably the poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart..If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would
have never seen or felt without them.
Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.. Hold your head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself. For if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life, and then go out and live it!

Feel different and bad about the past !!

2005-08-08T23:01:00.000-07:00

i am kinda feeling low today. Did something in past few months coz of which it is just eating me away from within. Cant tell it here, though blogs are supposed to be having all what u actually want to say. but then......I dont know yaar.. i just feel different..
in the past few months i have done something which i feel was not right.. i shouldnt have done it probably.. but then ...... aaa i dont know kinda confused.. miserable... dejected.. scared.. sick...happy.. lonely.. dont know ... feel something something

Missing U From My Heart ~

2005-08-07T20:06:00.000-07:00

When you are gone
I feel so alone
I miss you dear
when you are not here

You make my day
Like when the sun shines in May
I need to see your smile
and I wish I could see it more then just once in a while

You are such delight
and add joy to my nights
I want you to know what you mean to me
and oh.. I hope that you can see

My heart is missing you
and I wonder... do you miss me to?
I hope that you do
because I know I miss you!!

I always hope you are ok, and nothing is wrong
When will I see you again.. oh I hope it won't be long!
I need to know that you care
and that no matter what you will always be there

Remember this is for you, my friend
and to you I will send
So keep it close to you heart
and if you do, we will never part.

My heart is missing you!!

i hate this i just HATEEEE IT !!!!!!!!

2005-08-05T00:34:00.000-07:00

guess what ?? the worst thing a person can think before going to sleep....
- my new shift from now is from 4am to 1pm....tht is early morning...
-slogged in this company for a yr with the same damn shift of 7pm to 4am which always use to extended and always and every single damn day used to lose sleep coz of work and now .. the sleep whatevr we used to get that is also lost now.....
-good good good i am leaving this company, cant take it anymore. and my manager also knows this..yeah yeah i know i am not supposed to talk about my professional life or about a particular company on blogs.. but cant help it......cant i ever get a decent morning shift from 9am to 6pm ever ?? Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y
i serioulsy cant tell u guys how angry i am right... if my manager comes now in fron of me probably i would KILL HIM..........KILL HIM........
i want u to read this Mr Manager... READ..

2005-08-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

Again!! Another friend of mine leaves me behind. As if I don’t exist anymore. Once a friend is finished telling me their problems, bitching about whomever did what to them-boom. I’m gone. From this day forward I will no longer care about another person’s feelings. Sorry to be so harsh, but it’s a must.

I’m tired of watching people go on about their lives, happy go lucky, not a care in the world, while no matter how hard I try nothing seems to work out for me. One break in life is all I ask for. One. One small hole I can crawl through and leave the past behind. I must have been a horrible person in a past life and I’m being punished in this one. No, I’m not saying my life has been more difficult than others. One can’t compare his or her life to another’s life. Life events happen on an individual basis. I wont either say that my life has been hard for me. Yet, no one gets it. No one gets me because no one has stuck around in my life long enough to find out what really makes me tick and what I really feel and believe.

Strange !!!

2005-08-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

If there is such a place. I’ve been having strange dreams lately-nothing scary, I rarely have nightmares-just odd dreams. I sort of like them. I have dreams I can’t even begin to explain to others. Oh well. The results of an over-active imagination I suppose. Anyhow folks, I’m off to the land of strange dreams.
-Feeling dull today, have fever and cold.
-No mood to work
-Will be on leave today, but then manager tells me to come to work.. i am not gonna come.
-Abu is pissed off with tripti's behaviour in regards to her colege function. He is just too possesive about her. I guess even i am the same when it comes to my Jaan.
-Spoke to Jaan today, he inivited abu, tripti and me for his brothers' wedding, i really dont know if i would be able to go or not.
-I wanna go home and sleep.. :(

Hectic Tiring Sick Happy Weekend !!

2005-08-02T07:47:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, how have u all been.
Beginning of a new month and hope things this month go on great.
*Had my MBA exam on sunday, scored wonderful marks-- 82% , something which was unexpected .. lol..
*Had a very bad cold and fever soon after the exam, guess out of sheer joy..lol..
*Next day mom wasnt keeping well.
* Was supposed to be at work on sunday and monday too, but dindt inform my manager about it and royally bunked office. Now i am shit scared to even go and talk to the manager.
*Two of my good collugues have left work. Clive has gone back to Goa { hometown} coz of some personal problems and Kiran has gone to Vizag for a long vacation after which he would come and resign.
*Got a bit carried away and senti on saturday coz i wont be able to meet these guys again in office. Clive ofcourse is on goa... and Kiran will be back after i leave this office, my last working day 15th Aug 2005.
* All i can say as the title for this post is .. was Hectic Tiring Sick Happy Weekend !!
-Hectic coz of the exams and mom not keeping well
-Tiring coz of the exam and me not being well and later mom too..
-Sick coz of the exams and me not keeping well
-Happy coz of the great scores in the exam

*one of my friends complained that my blog has a few high fundoo words which are above his reach so i promised him that this post onwards will be using simple words.. lol...

Wat i want to do

2005-07-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

I came to a rather intriguing decision last night as I struggled to sleep.

I was writing in my diary, and while I won't divulge everything I wrote, I will say that I came to a conclusion as to my previous motivations for staying here. The conclusion is this: whatever ties I once thought I had to this place have disintegrated, rather quickly, during the course of this life.

I felt suffocated at home, as if I needed to get out, to do this for myself while gaining the respect of my parents and peers for having such courage. I wanted to be on my own, to live life on my own terms. I have done so and have only found emptiness and longing rather than fulfillment.

I wanted to know that I am capable of making my own decisions, and I've discovered that I certainly am, if even they are the wrong decisions. I've realized that it's hard to make decisions, especially when it's only you making them.

I wanted to find a path to follow, a goal towards which I can aim, and I did not find it because I neglected to realize I am already on the path - have always been on it - and although it doesn't seem to be leading me towards any goal, I know something will show up eventually. Call it blind faith, but I sense a purpose for my life; it just isn't clear at the moment.

I wanted to meet new people, to make new friends, to share new experiences, and I have, although the majority seems to have been an ephemeral experience now part of my past rather than cumulated towards any future.

I wanted to test myself - to find myself, even - and on this incredible, divergent journey, I've changed and experienced so much that paradoxically, I ended up exactly as I was. I am the same me that I never realized I was, but it's the same, nonetheless. I need the exact same things I've always needed. I want the exact same things I've always wanted, including all the things I've listed thus far. My priorities have changed, though.

And so I list all the pros of staying here, and I list the pros of seeking new options, and the latter list is getting heavier every day. I'm suffocating again, and this time it's because I'm getting lost in a place where I was supposed to find something. I've accidentally found myself, and I find her screaming for release.

i have used so many new words here today.Thanks to my new hobby of reading the dictionary.

I think the test is over, and I passed. Or failed? I don't think it really matters.

Rose

2005-07-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

I went into a Rose Garden to get a beautiful rose for my love,
There was Lots Around.
I searched for the best,
I finally got a beautiful rose for my Love.
For my love the rose was from One Beautiful plant.

Later My love told me that she had another rose ...
The same beautiful rose ...given to her by some one.T
he same kind like the same one plucked from the same Beautiful Plant,
O Thy was I late or why did the same plant have another Beautiful Rose

This poem is something really specially to me.. y .. it has a million of reasons which probably i can't tell .. ;)

Fear of Faliure

2005-07-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that the word “Happily” seems to proceed things that are not always happy. “Happily ever after”, “Happily married” or “Happily single”. Marriage may be great, but I don’t think it is a happily ever after walk in the park. That’s just a guess, all you married people can let me know if I am right. It seems to me that every good thing takes lots of work. It’s the people that are pressing forward and failing and get up and trying again that seem to actually be accomplishing something. On one hand you can call them the biggest failures in the world, because they have probably failed more then anybody else… but, that is because they have also tried more then anybody else. You could actually argue that the biggest failures in the world are the people that actually change the world.

I really don’t like to fail… especially publicly. But I am starting to realize that my fear of failure is crippling my ability to succeed. You have to risk failure to grow… a lot of times the growth comes from working through failure. It's like I said earlier, It's amazing how everything worth doing right seems so hard. But I think the reason it turns out to be right has something to do with what you learn while it is hard.

I am realizing I need to embrace the possabillity of failure and continue to press on to do and be what I am supposed to be. I am supposed to be a woman of courage, I am finding courage is as much about fighting and winning battels as it is about being willing to fail. You can loose a fight and still die with Honor… it's only when you stop you actually loose.To embracing Life I have realized I must also embrace failure.

When I See You !!

2005-07-22T11:04:00.000-07:00

Nothing explains,
The rush of blood
Pumping through my veins

I hope you know,
That I like You.
I hope you say
That you do too.

I knew that I
would like to be,
Protected
by someone like you.

How clear can I
Make it all now,
What can I say
Where why and how.

I cannot think
Words unspoken
The way i thought
My heart was broken.

Missing u a lot today.... dont know y ...

10000 AT LAST !!!!!

2005-07-21T07:06:00.000-07:00

Oh my god !!!! i dont believe this... ipconfig
I have finally reached the 10,000 mark..... wow....
This is something which i never expected so sooon... just started my blog in dec 2004 and now its reached to 10000 mark... wooooooooo hoooooo

I feel on top of the world :)

Got a SiteScore for this site on http://silktide.com/

Here are the scores

Your website is ranked #17,454 out of 34,474 SiteScores

Marketing
How well marketed, and popular the website is.....4.3

Design
How well designed and built the website is....9.1

Accessibility
How accessible the website is, particularly to those with disabilities.....5.3

Experience
How satisfying the website is likely to be.....8.3

Overall
Summary score for this website....6.1

Good / bad points:

*This website appears to be rarely visited

*This website appears to be in violation of the British Disability Discrimination Act

*This website is well linked to (417 websites link here)

*This website is very quick to respond, Your website responded in 0.51 seconds, and your homepage downloaded in 1.27 seconds. This is very fast and suggests your website is running on a sufficiently powerful web server.

*Design makes proper use of modern technology (no table-based layout)--We found an average of 42.4 images per page, this is high and will make the website slower to display.However, there appears to be good variety in the images within this website.

* The following 2 features were specifically identified: Hit counter, News. Generally, our analysis detected a positive selection of text and features.Webpages are reasonably sized and should display at a respectable speed.

*Your website does not appear to include any advert keywords in your source files and therefore displays correctly to the user with a spam blocker enabled.

Thanks a million to all u guys for frequently visiting my site.

46th in top 100 bloggers !!!

2005-07-19T14:48:00.000-07:00

Feels great to know that my blog is in the 54th position among the top 100 bloggers..
U got to go to www.top100bloggers.com and go to page 2....
wow i feel so good !!! :)

Mr Ding Ding gave me an update now that its reached to the 46th position on page 1. ..Overnight change . Last evening it was on the54th positon..Thanks for updating me about it Mr Ding Ding.. but i really wanna know who u r ...

Listening to : Everyother Time (Radio Edit) - LFO

What did i acheive in one yr ~~ !!! ???

2005-07-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

One Yr ? Wondering what it could be about... This was the due surprise i was going to give you all about.
19th July 2005, I have completed today One year in Accenture my present company.

And the question that remains here is what have i acheived in this one yr of duration.
I had worked with DELL before joining this place. Worked there for 11 months and 13 days and then took a break for one month and joined Accenture on 19th july 2004.
I remember last yr on this day, i was at the Taj Residency for my induction. 106 people in the induction hall,listening to what everyone had to say about this company, what this company has to offer us and blah blah.
All the fond memories of the training that we had gone through, the fun we had, the jokes we craked sitting in the laughing corner, starring at people sitting in the studious corner and asking all questions to the trainer { i still wonder what those questions were all about and related to what } , the hectic 2 months training we had, the evaluation that we went through, cheating through IP messenger and telling the answers online ;) { thanks guys for all the help, but no thanks also coz you guys didnt encourage me to learn things on my own } , but thanks to all we made it through togeather.
But right after the training keeping a track of the people that we had during the training the number has come down immensely , 106 people joined on this day and right now we have only 20-30 people in this company. Most of them have joined other MNC's minting more money or have gone abroad on H1 or MS; and with whomever i am in touch with all of them r doing well in their respective feilds.
I have had a lots of ups and downs in this company, at times i used to be so frustrated that i felt i should resign right away and leave this place. People around me sometimes used to be very discouraging and sometimes really helpful, but i have learnt a lot about people this way. But now i feel in a way its good that this journey wasnt a smooth sail, i wanted to go through all this and learn things in life personally and professionally.
The number of friends that i made was humongous. I have made so many friends here that i have forgotten the list and have really lost a count. But one good friend that i made here is tripti as u guys know.
I met her the first time on our interview , clicked well on the very first day, induction day were were togeather and then it went on like that. One year just went by like that. I met Tripti today and we were wondering as to how the time flew away and all the memories in the training. She is happy now doing her MBA and ME ??
If i was happy here, then I wouldn't have given my resignation today.. Well; yes this is the so called Surprise which might not surprise you people but those who know me well its a surprise for them.
My horoscope for the day says : " Try not to be too arrogant today, Kiranmayi V R, even when you are one hundred percent sure that you are right about the given situation. More than likely, you do indeed have the correct answers, but it is not necessary to be militant about it. Unexpected events are coming your way, and you may find that your emotions are being toyed with. Be on guard for people who may want to ruffle your feathers unjustly."
Had a argument with my parents last night, felt bad about things that they spoke, but then things have to go the way they have been written in my destiny.
Guess since i have given my resignation have to look out for another job while i serve my notice period, wish me luck guys that i get a good job in a good position. Keeping my fingers crossed.
All i can at this point of time is, i need luck and i need blessings.
Thanks guys for all the love you gave me during this one year stay at Accenture, many of you have touched my heart in a lot of ways, thanks a lot for the help at work, thanks for all the support you all have given me...
Thanks Tripti for listening to all my cribbing regarding my work, thanks Abu for making me laugh when i was pissed of with work, Thanks Dhananjaya for everything, Thanks to my Manager for tolerating me, Thanks to all my Teammates for helping me out with all the trouble i had with work ...

I cried,
I don't know if it was out of fear or joy.
I cried,
either tears of pain or just like that.
I cried,
My heart seemed to be being cleaned up by my tears.
I cried,
And i got rid of all the pain i had inside.

Sometimes when u've got all the pain lockedinside your heart,
All those times that you feel your life's falling apart,
Open your heart and let go of all the misery,
Cry your tearsand let your soulrelease the load for free.

My Tears,
They seem to come from my heart rather than my eyes,
My tears,
they came and greeted me out of full surprise.
My tears,
They blurred my vision but managed to ease the pain.
My tears,
They wet my face, so that i could clean it plain.

Sometimes when u've got all the pain locked inside your heart,
All those times you feel your life's falling apart,
Open your heart and let go of all the misery,
Cry your tears and let your soul release the load for free.

They've dried.
They only remain as a mere memory,
They've dried,
BUt i still dont know why they came form within me.
They've dried,
They came and they went,but will never be neglected.
They've dried,
And they will return again totally UNEXPECTED.

Journey through bloggin ~~

2005-07-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

I dont know why but for the past few days i am feeling too nostalgic and yes its true that Nostalgia is the real me !!

1) Myself – I have a rich fantasy life. I now try to live in the moment which is a constant challenge. I cycle through one obsession after another.
2) Wisdom-- One year back, I left DELL and got into a job at Accenture, a life where i wanted to live like a ture indiviual.13th May 2004 I found a 12 Step Program that taught me to live in the moment. Some things that I learned to do are:
*Live in the moment.
*Don’t give advice.
*Agree with the complainer.
*Feel the pain and let it go.
*Pain comes from attachment.
*Never insult the cook.
*I don’t have to be right.
*Acceptance.
*Don’t add to the chaos.
*Don’t make predictions.
*If I cannot say it to your face then don’t say it.
*Don’t blog about sex, religion or politics.

3) Regrets – I have none. I cannot change the past so why bother? When I do regret I find I am either Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Then I correct that and the regret goes away.

4) Family – I was raised with true family values,but the question is how much did i follow. My parents and their relatives have over 160 years of marriage and a family which has endless branches of a family tree. Sometimes get a feeling that i haven't done anything for my parents and haven't proved to be a good daughter or lived upto their expectations. Sorry mom ! sorry dad !
5) Films – Two years ago I joined Dell and watched about 75 movies in this duration till date, mostly ones that I had missed over the years. I enjoy Entertainment Weekly because my best fantasies revolve around movies. I started blogging which had taken over my life. Writing, movies and friends are active sports, which gives me more pleasure.
6) Faith – My faith comes from Hinduism,Christianity and Zen. My 12 Step Program brought my faith into sharp focus.
7) Blogging – It satisfies my need to record, count and report as good accountants do. I started blogging as a way to connect to my thoughts through writing. Made a lot of changes recently in the blog and a good chance to play around with the HTML codes.
8) Words – I am constantly working on my writing, thanks to Sujinder { my chat friend in US of A} In my previous life I enjoyed writing e-mails to express my ideas. I enjoyed the self documenting aspect of e-mails. I do have difficulty writing as fast as the
ideas come.
9) Friends – I make friends easily and loose them over time. My friends come primarily from work, and other friends or internet. I do cultivate friendships,but i know that they just come and go. But being a sensitive person i get attached to people very easily. I have several new friends from blogging.
10) Ideas – People around me, my family, my life and myself.

What Flavor Ice Cream Am I?

2005-07-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

You Are Rocky Road Ice Cream

Unpredictable and wild, you know how to have fun.
You're also a trendsetter who takes risks with new things.
You know about the latest and greatest - and may have invented it.
You are most compatible with vanilla ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Chuck it !!!

2005-07-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

You know what? I'm going to keep my thoughts simple tonight. Everything all boils down to this one thought "Screw what could have been"! Too much of my time is wasted with me living inside my head, imagining myself doing things differently in the past to bring about changes to the way my life is today. I've even laid awake for the past few hours in my bed unable to get to sleep because I've kept on going through all of these imaginary scenarios in my head. But it's a bloody waste of time.

The past is gone. It's dead. If I keep wasting my time thinking about it, then when this present becomes the past, and I look back at myself worrying and looking even farther back, I'll just have even more regrets. There are plenty of things I can do today to try and realize all of the far-fetched dreams I have for my life, or rectify problems I think I have. Lying around and imagining what I could have done ten years on the other hand, will get me nothing and nowhere. And interestingly enough, listening to songs that we used to playing togetherin school is what's uplifted me and gotten me out of the trance I've been in for the past few hours. And that really gets at the heart of why I play music, or get involved in any of the other crazy schemes I try to get myself into, whether it be making movies, the pranks i would love to play on my friends, a TV show, planning for a road trip, or whatever. It gives me hope. Not hope that any of those schemes will lead me to fame and fortune. Just hope that they'll help provide me with a cure for the common life.

I remember telling you all about the so called " Surprise" today. But just gave it a thought and was thinking if i should break the news now or not. Will break the news on 19th july 2005. One heck of a day which i think will be a historic moment in my life. On a second thought dont i already have a lotta historic moments already listed !!!!!!

Stream of Anger

2005-07-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

Don't really have a whole lot to say in this entry. Just sitting here with the peculiar feeling that I'd just like to go somewhere and scream at the top of my lungs until I run out of breath. Would I feel better after that? I don't know. It's just that this peculiar idea is stuck in my brain that doing so would be the solution to the way I'm feeling at the moment.

I mean, honestly, when you think about it, how often in your life do you get to outwardly vent your emotions in a totally unrestrained way? The chance to scream at the top of your lungs or to physically vent your emotions doesn't exactly come up too often, without the certainty of having to undergo mental evaluation or endure jailtime afterwards.

I suppose there was a time three or four years ago after a bad Leaf loss, where I ended up beating on some old ratty couches in my room, and taking a tennis racket to my garageand hitting it hard to the wall. I don't think I could possibly get that angry over a sports game anymore. It'd just be nice to just anytime, be able to get those feelings out for no particular reason. Just because you damn well feel like it. And if you do actually have a concrete reason for it, even better.I suppose one way to do it, if you had a fair amount of money, is build a house where you have a soundproof room where you could yell to your heart's content, and then another room full of cheap breakable objects that you could take out your anger on. Would either of those be the same though, or a little too controlled? Kind of like the difference between going to one of those rock climbing places where you climb a big plastic wall, as opposed to climbing an actual mountain. Not that I'd know much about either.

Okay, time to go to get back to work. Another 4 more days and i will be completing one year in this company.The stream of anger that's poured out of me so far in this entry is probably insane enough, so I should quit while I'm behind and get the five hours of sleep that are left for me before I have to be at work tonight.

And you know what theres a surprise for you guys tommorow. So keep watching this page !!!